


To Love is to Heal

by pearky



Series: Orphans [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Developing Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, Past Abuse, Poverty, Relationship Study, idk how to tag tbh, its kind of a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-10-04 05:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20465852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearky/pseuds/pearky
Summary: He didn’t need to know why. He knew Sasuke wouldn’t tell him, and whatever Sasuke was comfortable with telling him, Naruto had to pretend was enough - even if he wished Sasuke was bare for him like he was, even though he longed to have all of Sasuke, mind and past and feelings and pain included.A study of how love works its way around trauma.





	1. Price

**Author's Note:**

> right ok. im not too happy with this chapter but im just really bad at starting stuff idk. well see if i finish this or not. love u

He was nervous, Sasuke could tell.

He knew almost every single way Naruto behaved by now, after merely three months of dating. It wasn’t because Sasuke was an observational genius – though he _was_ – it just wasn’t hard to get to know him, Sasuke believed. He had learned to associate this kind of ridiculous cracking of knuckles, the way he wiped his hands on his jeans and how he ran his fingers through his hair again and again, with nerves. It must be something pretty big, too, judging by the way he even started rambling on and on about his dad’s new boyfriend and how happy they seemed together, his verbal tick sprinkled in every other sentence. Sasuke’s heard this story before but didn’t have the heart to interrupt him and tell him to shut up. He was sweet.

Sasuke couldn’t find any reason for Naruto to be nervous, though. They’d been on several dates over these past months, this was nothing new to them. They were laying on their backs in the public park, their hands furtively intertwined between their bodies. Sasuke was always very vary with PDA and Naruto thankfully respected it.

“Hey, that one looks like a hawk. The wings are stretched out.” Sasuke pointed, cutting Naruto off mid-sentence. The blond snapped his head up to look at the clouds above them, following Sasuke’s finger with his eyes.

“I think that’s an eagle.” Naruto replied, squeezing Sasuke’s fingers gently. “There’s a turtle there, though, look.” He pointed, quiet now that his rambling had been interrupted. Sasuke looked over at the furrowed eyebrows, the parted lips. He decided to put an end to this – Naruto wasn’t fun when he was so nervous.

“Hey. What’s up?” Sasuke asked finally, deciding to sit up instead, twisting his body to be able to look at the other. He didn’t let go of Naruto’s hand. He knew Naruto needed the physical contact and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy holding his boyfriend’s – the thought that Naruto is his boyfriend still makes him ridiculously happy, after all these months – hand.

Naruto looked up at him, his eyes twinkling under the direct sunlight, his hair in his face despite his numerous attempts to tame it. He looked like he needed to get something off his chest, and for a second, Sasuke grew nervous. It’s not even nervousness, he thought, it’s fear, rather. Was this because Naruto wanted to break up with him?

But then he felt Naruto squeeze his fingers, brush his thumb over the back of his hand, and smile up at Sasuke sweetly. He’d learned to associate these gestures with Naruto telling him he’s beautiful, and by then, Sasuke didn’t have to hear the words to know that it was what Naruto was thinking.

“Sasuke?” Naruto started, sitting up, too. He angled his body so he could look directly into Sasuke’s eyes, black on dark brown staring into each other vividly. He was scared that Naruto would kiss him here, in the open – he just wasn’t ready, not when he remembered what Shisui told him about kissing boys in broad daylight.

“Yeah?” He returned when he realised Naruto wasn’t going to go on without prodding. When he was staring into Naruto’s eyes like this, it was hard to be scared of anything, even kissing him. They were perfect, Sasuke thought, always looking so kind and warm and large, shallow wrinkles at the sides of them despite Naruto being only 18 because of just how much he smiled. He dropped his eyes to the plump lips, so dangerously close to his own. Fuck, he’d give anything just to have Naruto kissing him again right now.

He got lost in staring at Naruto’s face, so much so that when Naruto spoke, he was taken entirely by surprise.

“Sasuke, I love you.”

The breath caught in Sasuke’s throat, the shock spread through his body in a split second, making his fingertips grow numb. His heart swelled in his chest, and for a second, that’s all he could feel. He returned his gaze to Naruto’s eyes, where the blond was looking right back at him, almost expectantly. It made Sasuke’s heart hurt to realise what he was waiting for and he decided he’d take a moment to think this through.

Naruto loved him. The most attractive, kindest, most gentle guy Sasuke’s ever met was right here, holding his hand, staring at him and telling him he loved him. The thought alone made his skin grow warm. He hadn’t heard those words from anyone in _years_, he was pretty sure, and hearing them from Naruto was something he hadn’t expected – he wasn’t sure he could be loved at this point.

Then he thought about the expectant eyes in front of him. He knew he was supposed to say it back. He’d heard his parents saying it to each other, heard Shisui and his boyfriend say it to each other – but the thought of saying it to Naruto right now didn’t feel right to him somehow, felt like he wouldn’t genuinely mean the words. He liked Naruto, he really, truly did. He was happier now, spending time with Naruto than he had ever been in the past ten years of his life. Naruto taught him how to smile again, helped him rediscover the personality he thought to be buried under a life of trauma. But to love – that was something so serious.

Then the smile he wore after hearing the words fell. Love was something _serious_. Naruto saying this made Sasuke think that this wasn’t casual, that he wanted Sasuke to get comfortable with him because he was going to stay a while. And fuck, that was scary. A serious relationship meant trust, meant that Sasuke would need to open up and the mere thought of that made him want to close up and push Naruto away from him.

The next thing he remembered was his uncle telling his little hooker girlfriend he loved her.

After that, he had to tear his eyes away from Naruto. He looked to the side, felt heat crawl into his cheeks. He could hear the disappointment in the blond’s sigh and felt his stomach twist, in a terrible way this time.

He expected Naruto to be angry with him, to shout at him or leave him there with no way to go home, but Naruto was a constant surprise in every way he acted around Sasuke. Naruto was intertwining their fingers and gently squeezing Sasuke’s hand in his own, his voice soft as he spoke again.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna say it,” Was the first thing Naruto told him, and it made him ease up. While he could tell that Naruto was a little sad, he didn’t sound angry or hurt. “I know it might be a bit early, right, but I just really wanted you to know. I mean it, and I know it’s harder for you to talk about these kinds of stuff and I understand. But I really do love you and – yeah, I’ll just, stop talking now.” Naruto still sounded nervous.

“Thank you.” Was all Sasuke could think to return verbally, not wanting to leave his boyfriend without response.

He also decided to man up and press a kiss to Naruto’s lips, despite the fear that spread to his fingertips.

///

Naruto stared in front of himself in his bed, sitting up straight. He leaned backwards until the cold wall hit his back and sighed unhappily, exhaustedly. He loved Sasuke. He really did. But nights like these were much harder than he’d admit to anyone.

They’d had a big fight that day and Naruto couldn’t sleep. He was a bad sleeper most of the time, anyway. He decided to get up from his bed instead of moping around and sit outside on the balcony instead. He brought his pack along so he could smoke there until the sun came up. He had given up on sleeping at all tonight.

Sasuke would be up in a few hours, too, maybe he could talk to him then. He always woke up way too early for someone who could wake up anytime they wanted.

He flickered his lighter on, inhaled once his cigarette was properly lit and pulled his jacket tighter around himself. He felt anger rise in him rather than the usual calm he felt when he started smoking. Why was he angry again?

It was not at Sasuke. Not at all. Naruto had to respect his boundaries, and he _did_, he just thought it would be so much easier if Sasuke dropped this stupid secrecy and let Naruto in just a bit. He wished he bared just a bit of himself so he could understand what he needed, how he could be better and more supportive, avoid making mistakes like he did today.

Because yeah, he fucked up today. He was an idiot, clouded by his own needs and even though he caught on only a few seconds late, it was already _late_ and he’d already done enough damage. He felt so, so guilty right then, he was reminded of his first kiss with Sasuke – except this time he actually did fuck up and Sasuke did feel righteously violated.

It had been going smoothly, Naruto could still taste Sasuke on his mouth, after all these hours. They were over at Sasuke’s place, making out on his stupid mattress, and then Naruto moved his lips to his neck, and that was still fine, Sasuke was letting out these _noises_ that Naruto didn’t think he could ever forget, and then he tried to touch his neck – just gently, just to feel the soft skin underneath his fingers, and Sasuke froze – Naruto really thought he was just nervous, that’s why he kept going, that’s why he climbed over Sasuke and tried to touch his chest, his stomach -

He couldn’t describe the guilt he felt the second he realised that Sasuke wasn’t just nervous.

He’d apologised a thousand times over when Sasuke shoved him off but he knew that that wasn’t enough. He’d never seen Sasuke so angry, over the several months, never heard him yell other than today. And Naruto really wasn’t trying to play victim here, he knew that he fucked up, but the rage and disgust and hatred in Sasuke’s eyes was something he never wanted to see again. He didn’t want to hear Sasuke’s usually quiet voice raised like that, yelling at him so loudly, saying things that made no sense to Naruto – as if they weren’t quite directed at him.

‘Sas text me when youre up’ Naruto eventually decided he didn’t want to deal with this alone. He wanted to talk this through with Sasuke, he needed to make sure he didn’t fuck up again. Sasuke had yelled at him about touching his neck, Naruto now knew that he should never touch him there without asking. If he had told him about this earlier, maybe this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

He didn’t need to know why. He knew Sasuke wouldn’t tell him, and whatever Sasuke was comfortable with telling him, Naruto had to pretend was enough; even if he wished Sasuke was bare for him like he was, even though he longed to have all of Sasuke, mind and past and feelings and pain included.

_‘I’m up.’_ Naruto’s phone chimed and he couldn’t help the way his lips curled up in Pavlovian response to the perfect capitalisation that Sasuke never missed in his texts. Even if his heart ached terribly – Sasuke must have been up all night, maybe he was sitting on his balcony too, his smoke mingling into the same air as Naruto’s – every time that his love sent him a text his entire body filled with something warm.

‘did you get sleep tonigth?’

_‘Some.’_

‘are you okay’

_‘Yeah.’_

There were no texts for a while after that. Naruto was agitated at the aloofness of Sasuke’s responses and he was trying to avoid this turning into him trying to wring words out of his boyfriend, like it so often did, or ending up with Sasuke saying anything just to have Naruto happy, like he so often did.

But then his phone chimed again before he could decide what to tell Sasuke.

_‘Can I call you?’_

‘of course’

And then his phone was ringing, Sasuke’s pretty face lighting up on his screen. He didn’t have the heart to wait a few moments before picking up, like Sasuke always did – Naruto wondered why that was, if it was because he was nervous to talk to Naruto or if he didn’t want to seem too eager, but it was endearing either way. Naruto wasn’t like that. Naruto was excited and happy to hear Sasuke’s voice and he would never hide it.

“_Hey._”

“Good morning, baby,” Naruto replied, the petname slipping from his lips casually. He knew it made Sasuke’s eyebrows twitch, it always did. Naruto didn’t know whether that meant that he hated it or not but he never told him to stop, so he didn’t.

“_It’s five in the morning.” _Sasuke sounded tired, his voice groggy and sleep-laced. He wondered if he had woken him up.

“Time is a lie,” He replied. He clearly heard the flicker of a lighter over the phone. “The sun is already up, so. Morning.”

_“It’s good to hear your voice,”_ Sasuke eventually said, after his cigarette was lit, Naruto supposed.

“That’s good to hear. I was scared you wouldn’t want to talk to me again.”

_“Of course I want to talk to you. You’re my… boyfriend, and…” _He trailed off.

Naruto realised that Sasuke was nervous to say the word boyfriend to him. _Cute_.

“Yeah?” He prompted him to go on, taking long, deep drags from his cigarette. He was calm by now, lulled by Sasuke’s voice rather than the smoke in his lungs. Now that his heart wasn’t heavy, sleep was weighing down on him heavily, dragging at his eyelids.

_“The time when you told me… That you loved me. I wasn’t ready for it then- there are certain events that happened in my life, and…” _Naruto couldn’t recall a time when Sasuke spoke so sincerely and for so long at a time. He cherished the moment, paid close attention to his every word. _“I suppose they’ve rendered me a pretty bad partner. The way I spoke to you today, I regret that a lot.”_

“It’s okay.” Naruto thought that Sasuke didn’t make perfect sense, he seemed to be jumping from thought to thought, but he understood the meaning behind his jumbled words either way. “You didn’t want to be touched and I didn’t notice your cues. Next time, I’ll know better, right?”

_“Yeah. That’s not what I wanted to talk about, though.”_ Naruto froze a little. God, if this is Sasuke breaking up with him-

_“I just… I wanted to hear you say it again. Please.” _

Naruto couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his face as he envisioned Sasuke, sitting on his balcony, curled up against the cold, cigarette in his hand, face red as he asked Naruto to tell him he loved him.

Who was he to deny such a polite request?

“Sasuke, I love you,” He started, just as sincere as a few weeks back, “I love you, so much. I really do. You make me very happy every day,” He added, smiling through his words. He meant them wholeheartedly and it felt great to say them, even if he didn’t hear them back.

He heard a sniffle on the line. Did he manage to mess up again?

“Are you okay, Sasuke?”

_“Yeah, I am. Please, just… please say it again.”_ Despite hearing his shaky voice, Naruto chuckled. He could imagine Sasuke growing emotional over this.

“I love you, Sasuke. I love you. I’ve never met anyone like you before, I fell in love with you so fast, so hard. I love that you’re so smart, and witty, and sensitive, I think you’re gorgeous and I’m so thankful to be yours. I love you,” He repeated, still smiling wide.

_“Naruto, I…”_ He waited a few moments, but Sasuke didn’t continue.

“It’s okay. Don’t force yourself.” He stubbed out his cigarette and threw it into the ashtray at his right. “I know it isn’t as easy for you. I’ll wait as much as you need. This is enough for me.” He said sincerely.

It really didn’t matter if Sasuke said it back or not. He could feel that Sasuke was into him by the way he acted, how he kissed Naruto when they woke up together, how he held onto him when they got a moment alone, how he smiled around him much more often than when they hadn’t been together.

He would wait. He would wait years if it meant that Sasuke was happy and comfortable and moving at his own pace. Love is supposed to be about compromise, right? If this is what loving Sasuke meant, he would pay the price.

_“Thank you.”_


	2. Tears

“Naruto, come _on_. You’ve been together for way too long. I want to meet him,” Ino was using the whiney voice that she knew could drive Naruto up the wall, especially when he was already irritable after drinking yesterday.

“Ino, look, I want you all to meet him, too, you’d love him, but I need him to be comfortable, right, and I’m not sure he’s ready for it,” He explained, for what felt like the thousandth time, to his friends. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, desperately trying to will away his headache.

“What’s he so afraid of, anyway? Like, yeah, Kiba _is_ feral but the two of us?” Sakura continued instead of her girlfriend. The remark earned her a gentle punch from the boy sitting nearby. Naruto had no idea why she was teasing him right now when they all knew he was cranky – he was breaking out from his shots, he was looking at his face in Naruto’s mirror on the vanity right then, too.

“Akamaru makes up for it, at least he’s well behaved.” He muttered, gently nudging the service dog at his feet.

“Right, no, you need to understand him, okay? He’s just… Not used to it. I’ll try to convince him but I’m not pressuring him into anything.” Naruto laid back on his bed as he watched Ino putting in her hoops. He was way too jealous of them. He’d love to get his ears pierced, like Ino. Like Sasuke.

It was kind of hard sometimes, as much as Naruto hated to admit, that Sasuke never went out with his friends. He often felt like he needed to be at two separate places at the same time, torn between his love and his loved ones. He worked out a system where he usually would spend every other afternoon with Sasuke and most of the weekends with him but it just reminded him of the time they forced him to visit Nagato every second weekend when he was eight, leaving him feeling lost and torn apart.

Besides, he really wanted to brag about his boyfriend. Show him off. And he was sure that they’d _like each other,_ too, all of them – maybe Sasuke would find Sakura a little annoying at times but they’ve got the same kind of sharp tongue and the brains, and they could connect with Ino over their fashion sense and love for poetry, and Kiba – well, everyone liked Kiba. The guy just had an inexplicable gravitational field. Maybe it was his kind, caring nature that shone off him. And Sasuke loved dogs!

“We could start with him only meeting one of us?” Ino offered then, “Maybe he’d feel calmer if he wasn’t put in a group. I don’t know how it works but he must be more comfortable with one new person than three.”

Naruto took a moment to consider the suggestion, pinching at the bridge of his nose. Ino was making sense, he thought. “You know what, that sounds like it could work,” he hummed. “No offense to you two, but I think the first one should be Ino.” He knew that she was the one who could understand Sasuke because she seemed to understand _everyone_; his boyfriend would be safe with her for his first social gathering outside of what Sasuke described as ‘Itachi’s weird friends’.

“Come on, that’s unfair!” Sakura huffed, throwing herself back on Naruto’s bed. Ino pumped her fist victoriously, though, and threw herself on top of Sakura, not even paying attention not to hurt her. Sakura let out a little yell, pushing her off.

“Take that, forehead! I’m meeting him first!” She laughed and leaned her head down to capture Sakura’s lips in a kiss. Naruto rolled his eyes fondly when he turned away.

///

Up until that day, Naruto’s only really seen Sasuke cry once.

There was the time when Sasuke cried over the phone, yeah, but Naruto obviously hadn’t _seen_ him, that didn’t count. Then when he first slept over at Sasuke’s, he heard him have a panic attack, but he didn’t think that counted, either.

The one time Sasuke cried in front of Naruto was after he met Iruka for the first time after they started dating. It was an accident, really. The two of them were playing some game on Naruto’s old Nintendo (he doesn’t really remember where he got it from, it might have been from Nagato, or Iruka, maybe) on the ratty old couch. Sasuke was beating him really badly, which Naruto thought was ridiculous because _I thought you said you last played this when you were thirteen_, and they were so caught up in the heat of the game that they just didn’t notice the front door opening. All of a sudden, Iruka was saying hello cheerfully, to Naruto, and then to Sasuke.

Iruka was really the best thing Naruto could have asked for. He was the universe giving him back what was taken from him, he always thought. So it was no surprise that he was great with Sasuke, too, he smiled wide at the boy, told him that he was happy to see him, made him feel welcome, made sure he knew that he could feel at home and come anytime.

They retreated to Naruto’s room after some pleasant conversation (though Naruto was blushing like crazy. He hadn’t expected Iruka to come home and it was kind of embarrassing – what if Iruka caught them making out on the couch?), Sasuke laying in his arms in silence while he chatted away. He didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary until he felt something wet against his arm, and there it was. Sasuke was crying, no sobs, no shaking, just silent tears and a smile on his lips.

When asked why he was crying, Sasuke replied, “He loves you so much.”

Naruto didn’t really press it. He understood.

(It goes without saying that Sasuke had seen Naruto cry at least twenty times by then, maybe more.)

But that day, right on the day when they were about to head out to meet Ino in the lovely little coffee shop they usually met up at – she offered to pay for their drinks, bless her heart – Naruto saw Sasuke really _cry_, full on, makeup running and heaving for breath, his frail frame curled into itself on the neatly dressed mattress in the middle of the small room.

Naruto’s heart was breaking then. The worst part about it was that he didn’t know how to help because obviously, Sasuke never _talked_, he was leaving everything up to interpretation as if his entire being was merely a poem he would scribble into his notebook while he helped Naruto study.

“Sweetheart, love, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” Naruto tried, his head rested on Sasuke’s shoulder from behind. “I can tell that you’re nervous but she’s so sweet, she’s gonna love you, you two are really gonna hit it off-“

“Shut up,” Sasuke choked out, his short words cutting Naruto’s sentence in half. He sat back in shock, then, his hand still holding onto the waist in front of him. Sasuke wiped at his face angrily then, but made no move to pull away from Naruto. “I don’t need… This. I need to ride it out,” He elaborated afterwards, leaving Naruto in the same kind of shock and confusion.

He texted Ino that they’d be late by around fifteen minutes. She said that’s fine.

///

They were twenty-seven minutes late. Naruto took the blame even though Sasuke’s eyes were still very obviously bloodshot, even under his new layer of makeup.

Ino didn’t seem to mind.

“It’s so good to finally meet you, Sasuke!” She grinned widely, disregarding the polite hand in front of her in favour of a hug. Not a tight one, Naruto had warned her about that. “I’ve heard so many great things about you, honey. Your _makeup_! That’s gorgeous, where did you learn to do that?!”

Naruto saw Sasuke’s lips twitch in what he knew was a concealed smile.

“Uh, Youtube, mostly. Experimenting, too.” He replied, his tone cool and distant in the exact same way he used to talk to Naruto. Once Ino let go of him, he sat down in the chair opposite her.

Without Sasuke’s knowledge, there was a lot of planning in this meetup. Ino chose a time when she knew the place wasn’t packed, a table that could put some distance between Sasuke and her but allow him to sit close to Naruto, and she was obviously informed of the conversational topics Naruto thought Sasuke wouldn’t want to discuss, like _family_. He didn’t know if this was the right thing to do, honestly, it felt like walking on eggshells and he knew that if Sasuke found out he’d be angry with him for trying to ‘shelter’ him, as he called it, but he needed this to go well too badly to consider that.

If that was selfish, he could handle that.

“You must have a really steady hand with eyeliner like that, that’s awesome,” She gushed, taking her own seat.

Naruto watched on with way too obvious heart-eyes as the two of them talked (mostly about things he didn’t quite understand when they started on their shared love for poetry) and his heart swelled with pride for his boyfriend.

///

“So, how did you like her?” Naruto asked when the two of them were driving back to Sasuke’s place. They were going to spend the evening at Sasuke’s place, maybe even the night, which Naruto was excited about. Not necessarily because it suggested something sexual, but moreso because he loved waking up to Sasuke nestled in his arms. For someone so cold and distant with strangers, the guy was a real cuddler. He held onto Naruto like he was the world, he buried his face in his neck, he’d even entangle their legs every now and again. It always made Naruto feel loved and wanted.

“She was nice. I had fun,” Sasuke replied, putting a smile on Naruto’s face. Quiet music was playing in the car, Sasuke was usually in charge of it nowadays because of what he called Naruto’s ‘terrible eyesore of a music taste’.

“I knew you’d like her. She’s one of the best people in my life,” He found Sasuke’s hand with his own, resorting to driving with one hand. Sasuke slapped it away and muttered something about both hands on the wheel. Naruto couldn’t blame him for that. He just swerved a few minutes ago because he was distracted by a cute dog on the street. “I can’t wait for you to meet Sakura and Kiba, too. They’re all gonna love you.”

Naruto caught Sasuke’s furtive little smile when he glanced sideways.

///

“Sasuke?”

“Hm?”

“Why did you… Before we left, right? I know you don’t like… talking about things. But you told me you want to ride it out. What… What does that mean?” Naruto asked, his thumb rubbing gentle circles onto Sasuke’s chest as he held the boy from behind, his nose buried into the blue-black tufts of hair in front of him, the smell of vanilla overpowering his senses.

There was some sci-fi movie on. Naruto gave Sasuke the Netflix password of their shared account and said he could choose whatever he wanted to watch tonight. He had a lot of catching up to do, anyway, he has never had a Netflix account before. It wasn’t a very bad deal anyway – if he wasn’t paying attention to the movie, he could pay attention to Sasuke.

The boy in his arms reached for the remote and paused the movie to turn in Naruto’s arms and face him. His eyes looked completely black in the dark.

“I don’t do well with talking when I’m crying. I need that time to… Feel, I guess. It’s too overwhelming, I can’t keep up a conversation like that,” Sasuke explained, looking into Naruto’s eyes. His pretty hand came up to sweep the hair from his forehead before resting on the skin, as if he was checking his temperature. Naruto melted into the tender touch.

“You don’t need to have a conversation. I just want to know what’s going on through your head,” He admitted, quiet to accommodate for the silence that was left in the movie’s wake.

Sasuke shifted in his arms to free his arm from under himself and reach it to Naruto’s chest. He liked touching Naruto like that, he’d noticed, liked to feel his chest rise and fall.

“There’s too much going on and I don’t think you’d want to hear most of it.”

“I want to. I don’t know how fucked up you think your thoughts are, right, but I know that I’ll love you regardless of them.” He cursed himself a bit for letting his tick slip in there. He thought it was ridiculous, especially in this situation.

“They’re stupid thoughts, anyway. The second I’m not crying, I can see that they’re absolutely crazy, which is why I don’t want to talk about them.” Sasuke talked quietly, his eyes closing. Naruto started to play with his hair, his large fingers running through the vanilla scented locks.

“You know that I’m the biggest dumbass there is. I’m not intimidated by stupid,” Naruto tried to joke, his lips brushing over Sasuke’s nose with how close they were. He felt the air from Sasuke’s amused chuckle tickling his chin.

“I know. You idiot.” Sasuke opened his eyes to be able to press his lips against Naruto’s, just a ghost of a kiss, just enough to make his head swim.

“Your idiot,” Naruto replied against Sasuke’s mouth, making the other snort.

“Cliché.”

“Stop using words I don’t understand.”

Sasuke laughed then. Naruto felt a hurricane in his stomach.

“_My_ idiot, huh? You’re lucky you’re hot, you know.” Another press of his lips. Naruto was smiling against it.

“You know you love it,” He returned, opening his eyes to find Sasuke staring into them. “God, you’re gorgeous, what the fuck,” He mumbled next and returned the kiss.

They didn’t break apart for a while, their breaths mingling together, their bodies pressed up close. Sasuke had gotten really good at it since their first real kiss at the ice rink parking lot, what he later – begrudgingly – admitted was his first kiss with anyone, he was now pretty confident and his lips still tasted so distinctly of cigarette smoke and coffee. He let Naruto take the lead, followed him so well, as if he was meant to be Naruto’s.

///

Naruto brought up the question again when the two of them were lying in bed, Sasuke’s body draped over half of Naruto’s (he had pulled him there around half an hour earlier when they were joking around and apparently he’d decided to stay. Naruto didn’t mind, the pressure felt good on his chest and Sasuke wasn’t heavy at all), “So, were you thinking stupid things about Ino? Were you afraid of meeting her?”

Sasuke took a deep breath, his entire body moving with his sigh. “You’re not letting go of this, are you?”

“Nope. I need to know what’s going on so I can help you next time- yes, I know you hate getting any kind of help, I don’t care. I love you and I want to help you any way I can,” Naruto cut Sasuke off before he could protest.

Sasuke grumbled in response. “You’re going to think I’m crazy, or something.”

“Babe, I’m not the pinnacle of mental health myself. You can hit me with it. It will help next time you spiral. Wouldn’t that be nice? To not have to suffer alone?”

A defeated sigh came from the other boy. He rolled off of Naruto to sit up and face him instead, his eyes glinting in the moonlight that was seeping in. Katsu raised her head when she felt movement on the mattress and lazily settled down next to Sasuke, her eyes shining. Naruto reached to gently pet her.

“It’s… Paranoia. I always imagine people wanting to be near me must have some kind of ulterior motive, like they’re _out to get me_ or whatever the cliché is,” Sasuke seemed embarrassed to admit this, judging by the way he looked away and waved his hand dismissively. Naruto just kept watching him, didn’t say anything, and the silence coaxed more out of the other boy. He spoke with a voice even softer than his usual. “I’m… I was afraid she’d be sent by my uncle to get me back to him, or that you’re taking me to meet her because she’s actually your girlfriend or something, or that she’s one of Itachi’s friends, or that she’s coming to kill us both. They’re all stupid conspiracies that my mind throws at me and sometimes I believe them for a second. That’s all.”

Naruto sat in the dark, the silence over them letting him process what Sasuke told him.

It made sense now that Naruto thought about it. Sasuke being so vary about meeting new people, about heading out at night, of course he’d be anxious and crying. Naruto would be crying, too, if he had those thoughts plaguing his mind – even though he didn’t know what Itachi’s friends, or going back to his uncle meant.

“That must be hard.” Naruto told him sincerely. “I can’t even imagine how scary it must be to think those things.”

Sasuke shrugged in response. “I can usually brush them off by now but sometimes one sticks for a bit.”

“I don’t know – would it help if I told you those thoughts aren’t real?” Naruto offered, taking one of Sasuke’s hands in his own. He really craved to be close, to make contact right now. He felt like his heart was breaking as he placed himself in Sasuke’s shoes – all alone in this world save for his brother who he only sees once a week, having to work to keep himself afloat while studying, probably no real way to protect himself, no real friends to fall back onto. It sounded terrifying.

Sasuke’s bitter laugh interrupted his thought process. “No, that makes it worse. That’s why I told you to shut up and let me get through it.”

“So… There’s no way for me to help?” Naruto asked, sitting up so he could be eye level with his boyfriend. Helplessness was washing over him. Sasuke shrugged again, turning his head to stare out the window, clearly unable to look at him right now.

Naruto gently started to run his fingers through Katsu’s black fur. It was silent for a moment, only the sound of footsteps echoed on Sasuke’s ceiling.

“You’re already helping.”

Naruto felt his heart skip a beat.

///

The third time Naruto saw Sasuke cry was two weeks later, before they’d go out and meet Sakura at the park, the same one where Naruto first told him he loved him.

This time, he knew not to ask why. He knew to just stay there with Sasuke while he sobbed, wrap his arms loosely around his waist and plant kisses to his hair until he calmed down. It was painful to see him suffer while he watched on helplessly but he knew it was worth it when Sasuke was putting his makeup on again just fifteen minutes later, laughing as Naruto sang along to some stupid song and danced in the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnnyway heres a new chapter. honestly this is like. idk but its cool and i like writing it. leave a comment if you like it too and then come and kiss me. gbye


	3. Poetry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thfjsgh heres a new ch. hope u like it.

“Remind me why I have to do this again,” Sasuke muttered, clutching his phone in his hand almost nervously, his fingers gripping onto the cheap plastic cover that Naruto bought him – there was a black cat on it and Naruto said it reminded him of Katsu. Sasuke thought it was sweet.

The sun was setting over the two of them, the dim light in Naruto’s small room wrapping them in blue colours. Iruka and his boyfriend were talking about something in the kitchen, their voices seeping through the thin walls just enough for the two of them to hear that they were talking but not enough to make out what. It made Sasuke feel weird, it was like… like a home full of family. He hadn’t been in one of those for a decade.

“_Because_, I think your voice is beautiful and I want to listen to you talk. Also, I care about your interests.” Naruto’s voice felt like a home full of family on its own, Sasuke thought.

He let out a quiet sigh as he finally opened up his notes where he’d saved some poems he particularly liked. “You’re terrible, you know,” He started looking through the titles, biting down on his lip. They were all so sad, and he was sure that Naruto would hate them.

“Is that why you’re still with me then?” His boyfriend laughed quietly, his large brown eyes fixed on Sasuke, his tightly curled hair falling over them. He was _gorgeous_, fuck, Sasuke felt so lucky. If reading to him was what would make him happy, he would do it, he decided. He chose one of his more recently saved ones without really giving it much thought.

He took a deep breath, inexplicably nervous. “It’s a contemporary poet, so it won’t be like the poems you’re used to reading in school. Keep that in mind. It’s more… abstract, not as clear to follow, I’m not sure you’ll like it,” He explained as a warning, mostly just to win himself some time to prepare for this. He couldn’t really pinpoint why it was hard for him to read a poem to Naruto when he didn’t even write it. Maybe it was because poetry was something so intimate, so personal, and he’d indirectly be expressing feelings to Naruto know, which – yeah. He wasn’t great at.

“Just read it, babe. I want to hear you,” Naruto had set his head comfortably into Sasuke’s lap, his eyes closed now.

He knew Naruto would not let it pass. He let another sigh through his lips before he started. “_I opened the window so I could hear people. Last night we were together and by ourselves._” It was strange to read like this. He didn’t think he’s read poetry aloud to anyone else before, it felt like every sentence was a quiet confession to the boy laying down on him, his bleached blond head on his thigh. “_You. You look and look at Diver for Crane by Johns and want to say something. In the water you are a child without eyes._” Sasuke wished he could watch Naruto’s reactions, try to see what he was thinking, but instead he let himself get lost in the text, in reading.

After a few sentences, it felt natural. Sasuke’s emotions were seeping through the cracks. He was gone then, immersed in the lines, playing with his voice. He was pretending that he was just reading for himself and then it was quite enjoyable, actually.

“_And the leather of your chair…_” Sasuke took the indicated pause and continued on silently, suddenly too aware of the next few lines and the weight saying them would have, “_It has me marked so good luck forgetting. The world was a home. It was cruel. It was true. It was not realistic. Make sure you date and sign here then save all the soft things._” His voice shook. Looking back, it probably would have been better to choose something lighter on the first go.

“_Because everyone wants to know when it was, how it happened — say something about it. How the night hail made imprints all over._” He paused again, letting the lines weigh down on him.

“_Our things. Our charming and singular things._”

Silence fell as Sasuke closed his mouth.

There was no conversation in the kitchen, no clinking of dishes as Iruka washed them, just Sasuke’s breathing as he tried to collect himself, enclose himself again. He let his phone screen lock, the two of them left in the semi-dark of the evening.

Naruto didn’t say anything for a while, Sasuke didn’t think he’d ever heard him stay quiet for so long when he was awake. When he looked down at the blond head, he saw him look deep in thought, his eyebrows furrowed and staring at the ceiling, as if this was something to solve, to be understood.

“You don’t need to think of the meaning of the words, you know, it’s enough to… feel them,” He said, mostly because for the first time in a long while, the silence was overpowering him. It felt like he was trapped right now, locked into a room where he had spilled himself – that didn’t make sense, did it? He wasn’t sure how to express what he was feeling. He wasn’t as good at identifying feelings as Naruto was.

The blond didn’t say anything in response, rather, he reached up to gently touch his fingers against Sasuke’s cheek and jaw. His eyes were now on his face, looking at him _funny_, Sasuke couldn’t tell what it was. He’d never seen that look on Naruto’s face before, or at least he didn’t think he ever had. He felt the warm, almost too hot fingertips gently guide his face down to where Naruto was staring at him, and then he was finally pulled down to press his lips against the blond’s. Naruto kissed him so passionately, slowly but with an edge, almost rough were it not for his hand still holding his face, his fingertips grazing his ear.

Sasuke had to pull away because bending forward grew very uncomfortable very quickly, but Naruto was following him, sitting up from his spot on Sasuke’s thigh, turning his body and scooting close. They were directly opposite each other, their faces close again. Naruto’s eyes were still filled with that alien gaze.

“You have no idea how much I love you,” The blond eventually spoke and Sasuke watched him with a steady heartbeat, with his guts feeling like they might churn out of his stomach. His lips felt sore from being kissed the way Naruto kissed them. He was feeling overwhelmed, overrun with too many confusing emotions.

“You have no idea how much you mean, how much you’re worth,” Naruto continued and pressed his forehead against Sasuke’s, leaving him to close his eyes and enjoy the gentle contact and the gentle words. There was a lot of self-restraint that went into staying there, more trust than Naruto probably knew.

“Naruto?” Sasuke muttered, his lips staying parted. Naruto captured them in a kiss. Despite how great this was, he was confused, still.

“Sasuke. Hey. Look at me,” Sasuke opened his eyes, saw Naruto staring back at him, his face so close to his own that he felt heat rolling off it. “I love you. You know that, right?” He nodded when he realised that Naruto was waiting for him to answer. “I want to make you feel loved, Sas.”

His eyes widened when he realised Naruto’s hand was slowly sliding down his chest. Oh, fuck. This wasn’t just Naruto being sappy. He was pushing against the sweet touch, nevertheless.

“Naruto, your dad’s right out this door,” He protested. The hand came to rest on his waist.

“He wouldn’t come in,” Naruto muttered, his lips moving to Sasuke’s jaw. “Never does.” He tilted his head to give way to the gentle lips, his hand coming up to rest in the soft hair at the nape of Naruto’s head. Goddamn boy and his goddamn mouth. He knew exactly how to make him lose his breath.

“Is this seriously what poetry does to you?” Sasuke asked with a breathless chuckle when he realised what led here. Naruto grumbled quietly against Sasuke’s jaw.

“Just- you bein’ all emotional. It’s sexy. Not the poetry, just… you.” Sasuke couldn’t help the laugh that slipped past his lips at that.

“You’re ridiculous.” He wrapped his arms loosely around his boyfriend’s neck, leaving enough space to bury his face into the soft skin. Naruto’s body pressed against his own, the blond was now leaning over him but he didn’t feel scared like the time they had a fight over Naruto touching him. When he placed his hand on the other’s chest, he felt a rapid heartbeat, quicker breathing, and knew that the same thing was happening to him, too. He felt comfortable like this, relaxed, even, as his boyfriend kissed him all over, as he breathed against him, told him that he was beautiful-

He tensed when Naruto’s hand tentatively played with the hem of his shirt and slipped under to touch his side. It was instinctive, but his whole body went fully rigid under Naruto’s fingers - the other boy pulled his hand away immediately, his voice full of concern when he asked, “Shit, I – sorry, are you okay?” and Sasuke didn’t know what to say. He was supposed to be okay, and a large part of him _was_, but his body had gone into panic mode. It all happened in the snap of a moment. In the back of his mind he was now thinking about what Naruto would do to him, terrible things, if this went on.

He kept his face buried in his boyfriend’s neck, his body still in embarrassing shock from just the simple touch. He felt the shame rise in him. Was trusting his boyfriend really this hard? Naruto hadn’t hurt him at all, even when they first had that big fight, Naruto wasn’t really hurting him. He had been nothing but kind and gentle, and it’s been _months_. He didn’t deserve this, he had worked so hard to earn his trust.

He could at least _try_. Maybe trusting him wouldn’t be so bad. Besides, he wanted this, he was pretty sure. It was normal to be nervous, wasn’t it?

Instead of responding to Naruto’s question outright, he pulled back to look into his eyes instead. He was still looking at him with worry, as if he was a child who’d fallen while running. One of his hands had found Sasuke’s and was now squeezing down on his small fingers. Even his grip was soothing and delicate.

“You won’t hurt me,” Sasuke meant to ask, but it sounded like a statement, rather. He was quiet, in part because he didn’t want Iruka and Kakashi hearing them talk like this, and in part because everything else was so quiet that he was afraid of shattering the atmosphere.

His boyfriend’s lips curled into the kind of sad smile that he usually gave Sasuke when he was crying. The hand on his own let go and reached up; Sasuke felt gentle knuckles brush against his cheek, tender and soft, like Naruto’s eyes. “I would never, ever hurt you,” The blond spoke, his volume paralleling Sasuke’s. “But we don’t need to go all the way, okay?”

Sasuke eased up then. He looked into the honest, gentle gaze in front of him, let himself get hypnotised and drawn in, let himself _trust_.

He nodded quietly.

Naruto’s smile spread into a grin. He kissed Sasuke’s cheek, leaving saliva behind him – Sasuke didn’t wipe it away. “I’ll make you feel so amazing, Sasuke. I promise. Tell me to stop whenever you need it, okay? Anytime. I love you, I want you to feel safe.”

Sasuke nodded again.

///

“It’s... hard to put into words. Sometimes a line feels like it was taken directly from my thoughts, and that’s always such a shock, it sends shivers down my spine. There are things I can’t put into words but I find them put into words right _there,_” He explained, his eyes falling closed and fluttering open again lazily, “It’s like you’re just a cluster of dots and someone finally comes and connects them for you, just through… words.”

“Yeah, the – the one you read for me. I could definitely feel a few of those lines. There was something in there, right, about a few moments of peace?” Naruto’s voice was coarse, his lips swollen slightly. It made Sasuke feel a bit guilty – not too much, though, not right now, when everything felt light and airy and he was wrapped up in Naruto’s arms.

He clung to Naruto, an arm lazily slacked over the other’s strong frame. “_There are minutes of peace. Just the feel. Just this once_,” He hummed, his hand tracing the lines of the graphic on Naruto’s shirt, “Is that it?”

“Yeah. That was like that, like the dots. I liked it.” Naruto didn’t look as lazy and tired as Sasuke felt. He seriously wondered how he was always buzzing with energy.

“I like those lines, too,” He mumbled. His eyes were slipping closed, he could barely keep them open by now. Perhaps that is why he was so open right now, why he then said, “I feel like you’re that for me. The minutes of peace.”

He felt lips on his forehead. “That’s all I want,” Naruto said, and then for a few minutes he must’ve been very quiet because Sasuke fell asleep.

///

Naruto started reading poetry after that.

He was over at Ino’s right now, sitting on the girl’s soft bed and listening to the music playing through the speakers. She was at her desk, going through her books, flipping through her bookmarked pages. She was letting Naruto borrow a few – he said he didn’t know where to start, and Sasuke was reluctant to show him more of what he liked, so he came to Ino for help instead.

“What did he read you, anyway?” She asked curiously, while Naruto fucked around on his phone. Sasuke was tutoring someone and he couldn’t text back, right when they were in a very serious conversation about Pokemon.

He loved that Sasuke was such a huge closet nerd.

“I don’t know, honestly. I think I remember a few lines, right, maybe you know it?” He offered, scrolling through his twitter feed. There was nothing funny or interesting. He missed Sasuke.

“Yeah, maybe. What do you remember?”

Naruto could say the lines about peace, and then he kind of could remember the first two, but Ino recognised it even like that. Naruto was astonished, frankly.

“We talked about that dude with Sasuke, he’s Alex Dimitrov. Groovy dude.” She abandoned her books in favour of sitting next to Naruto, on the bed. She started to rake her fingers through his hair, her acrylics catching in the curls every so often. “So… how are you two?”

“Wow, jumping into it already. Classy,” Naruto laughed, closing his eyes and letting Ino play with his hair. “We’re good. I love him a lot, seriously – we’re only like, four months in, right, and I don’t think I’ve ever liked someone this much, he’s… he’s so great, in every way. He’s so smart and insightful and witty, and he’s funny and he thinks he looks cold and all that but he’s actually so _kind_,” He babbled, his lips pulling into a sly grin. “And he’s so beautiful, Ino. I’d love him even if he wasn’t, but _god_, he’s so beautiful. The whole boy.”

Ino was chuckling, and Naruto joined her. “Got a bit carried away there, love,” The blonde sat up straighter, and Naruto cracked an eye open to look at her. “So… you two. Have you…?”

“Ino!” Naruto swatted at her, “This is a Christian household. We’re waiting until marriage.”

“Come on, you know I’m curious.” Ino laughed as she dodged the hands reaching up to her face. “You’re never too shy to talk about your sex life, come on.”

Naruto returned the quiet laugh and let his hand fall in defeat. “I guess you’re right.” He decided to get up and sit with his back against the headboard so he could look Ino in her eyes. “As a matter of fact, we haven’t, not yet. But the other day when he was over, I, uh,” He closed his mouth, furrowed his eyebrows. He was looking for the right word. He didn’t quite like any of the ones that came to mind, all of them sounded so _vulgar_. They were nothing like the soft porcelain of Sasuke’s skin, or the velvet of his voice as he quietly panted. They were dirty, when Sasuke was so, so perfect. “Well. I gave him a blowjob, right,” He eventually settled. Maybe if Sasuke was here he could speak in his pretty little euphemisms.

“Yeah?” Ino was grinning. She always loved gossip. “And was it… difficult?”

“_Ino!” _Naruto playfully hit her shoulder, but the girl just laughed. “Stop asking about my boyfriend’s dick. I thought you were a lesbian.”

“Alright, alright, I'm sorry," Ino pressed a kiss to Naruto's forehead affectionately. "Speaking of. Did you ask him about the party?"

"I did. He said he'd think about it." Naruto swept his hair away from his eyes. "He asked me to tell him some about everyone. There's Shikamaru, Choji and Hinata that he hasn't met yet, right? Shino was there when we went out for coffee... Oh, and Temari, if she's coming."

"We're not inviting the college kids, then?" Ino asked, counting on her fingers. "That's nine people plus Sasuke. You think he can handle that?”

"I haven't really talked to Neji since I told him I'm not interested... It would be pretty awkward to invite him now, right? With my boyfriend being here,” Naruto mused, biting his lip as he thought about the time he woke up next to the long haired boy. That was awkward. “And I think Sasuke would hate Lee, honestly. I think he'll be able to handle it like this. He loosened up a lot around you four, especially when we were at my house... And if he's not feeling good, I'll take him home, right, tuck him in and come back."

Ino shrugged in response, "Alright, if you think he'll be fine, I trust you on that. He'll loosen up after a drink, anyway."

"Yeah, that's what I'm hoping."

Ino laid her head on Naruto’s chest.

“I don’t want to get all emotional or anything, but I’m really glad you found someone you actually love. Happiness looks great on you. It’s like you’re pregnant, or something, you’re glowing,” She hummed eventually.

Naruto laughed a little in response. “Well, not to get too emotional, but that’s the same thing I thought about Sakura when you two got together. She’s been glowing ever since.”

“Really?” Ino looked up at Naruto. She was beaming. Naruto rarely saw anyone smile that wide. “Well, good, cause if she wasn’t I’d have to have a long hard talk with her. I wanna marry her one day, she better love me back.”

Naruto was smiling back at her, feeling so fond of his friends. He really was so glad that Sakura found love. He remembered her beating herself up over coming out to anyone else other than him. She’s come such a long way and he was so proud of her. They’ve all grown so much.

“She does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah heres the next installation of this thing. i wanted to include some sakuino. i just think theyre neat. the poem in this chapter is Together and by Ourselves by Alex Dimitrov. Theres more to it than what i quoted here and i think its rad.  
next chapter will be up when i have time to write which will be a little later cause school. i love you thank you for reading this far come give me a kiss also a comment and kudos if you like. bye


	4. Itachi

“So… You and the blond boy.”

Sasuke almost dropped his chopsticks. He didn’t think that could actually happen, dropping something from shock, but it seemed like this was his life now, constant surprises.

“…Excuse me?” He adjusted the utensils in his hand and got back to his tofu.

“You. With the blond boy. Naruto,” Itachi continued, his words cold as if he hadn’t just asked something very out of character and weird.

Sasuke paused his eating for a moment to think about what to say. “What about us?” He eventually hummed, deciding that that should be clear enough for Itachi. He’d been visiting less and less (now that Sasuke wasn’t teaching Naruto, they had even less money. He didn’t ask what Itachi did to make up for it), so he wasn’t quite aware that he and Naruto were more than just that one date he came home from late. Or, well, now he was.

“How is he treating you?” He asked, and God, Sasuke didn’t want to talk to Itachi about this. He was as grave as always, cold like their dad had been. He hated how much Itachi acted like their father.

Despite this, he was at least in part happy that he had asked about Naruto. Just sometimes, he really wanted to share his happiness with someone. “He treats me right. He’s kind to me, he makes me happy.”

Itachi simply hummed in response, and for a few minutes, they ate in tense silence. Sasuke was about to get up from his seat now that he had finished, but just then, Itachi pinned him there with his words. “Do I get to meet him?”

Sasuke forced an annoyed sigh out of himself at first. Naruto meeting Itachi would be – well, awkward. Naruto was scared of Itachi and Sasuke knew his brother wasn’t the most social person. And while Sasuke had met Naruto’s dad and his boyfriend, he felt like Naruto meeting Itachi was more serious than that. Itachi wasn’t the easy-going cool dad that Iruka was.

Then again, he was his big brother. The man who would do anything for him, and _did_ do terrible things just to help Sasuke, to protect him, and Sasuke loved him deeply. He deserved to meet his boyfriend and talk to him. He felt a little guilty about his childish initial reaction now.

“Yeah. I can invite him over next time you come home,” He offered, and Itachi seemed satisfied. His lips curled up at the ends slightly; he knew that Naruto would find that amusing if he was here – how they smiled so similarly. Maybe the way to making Naruto less afraid of Itachi was to show him how similar they were.

Itachi stood up from the table before Sasuke could. “Thank you for the meal, Sasuke.” He collected both of their plates and chopsticks and brought them over to the sink. Within a few moments, he was already washing them up. He was the same kind of neat freak as Sasuke.

He watched his brother move. He looked so much more tired than usual. It seemed like keeping himself upright was a struggle in itself for him and he seemed so skinny, even more than he usually was – which was a sure sign to Sasuke that something was wrong. He knew how Itachi worked, how he’d stop eating when he was too sad or numb to do anything other than go to work and then crash at his little rat hole two cities over.

It broke Sasuke’s heart. He really wanted to look for another job to take the weight off of Itachi’s shoulders but every time Sasuke told him about his plans, Itachi told him about how important it was to have a diploma, that he needed to graduate, that he could get a job the second he’s out of high school but he _needed_ to graduate.

Sasuke trusted him on that. Itachi didn’t graduate. He was the smartest person Sasuke has ever met and yet he was stuck with two soul crushing jobs that he was way too good for, when, if his parents hadn’t died, he could possibly be at MIT right now. He could be making his dreams come true and yet he was living a nightmare to help his little brother. His fists clenched as he thought about his uncle and how he fucked up both of their chances at what could have been a lucky life.

So, he had taken Itachi’s advice. He only had a few more weeks of school, anyway, then he would graduate and get a job.

“Itachi.” He was still watching his brother, as the skinny hands washed the plates, the once strong nails that Sasuke was jealous of now brittle and short. He looked at Itachi’s bloodshot eyes and the deep purple bags under them as he turned his head. His gut turned.

“Do you think you could take a few days off?” He eventually asked, blurted it out. “You could come home. I have some money saved up, you wouldn’t need to worry about that. We could just… hang out.” Sasuke wondered if Itachi understood that this was more about him getting some rest than anything else.

His brother turned his gaze away, back to the dishes.

“I’m afraid I can’t.”

“Why not?” Sasuke asked, and was surprised to hear himself sound angry. He didn’t mean to do that. He wasn’t angry at Itachi, he didn’t want to direct it at him. It’s like what Naruto told him; he was angry for him, not at him.

Itachi let out a deep sigh before he replied. “I can’t just do that, Sasuke. I’m sorry.”

There was a long silence again. Maybe Itachi had figured out that Sasuke was asking him to so he would rest.

It was a long time before either of them spoke again. Sasuke was sat on his mattress, writing and crossing out and rewriting line after line, while Itachi was working on something on his laptop. He was typing a lot. Maybe he was writing, too.

He remembered the time Itachi wrote him little kids stories. He’d write them on paper, by hand. Sasuke loved to read them as a child, he would always ask him to write more and more stories about the lost cats or whatever. Back when they were still with their parents, Sasuke always wanted Itachi to tell him his bedtime stories, and his brother usually did. They only stopped when they were taken to their uncle.

And then he grew up and found some of Itachi’s prose while looking through their shared laptop. Maybe that’s where his obsession with literature started, age fourteen, reading words that were so soft and elegant when they stood alone but cut him so deeply when he read them together. He didn’t get that from his online English classes. Itachi was nineteen then and really didn’t appreciate his little brother reading his art. Sasuke didn’t get to see any more of his work since then, save for the few scraps he’d find lying around in their apartment – Itachi still liked to work with a pen and paper sometimes, after all these years. Sasuke could understand that. It felt good to have some kind of physical manifestation of what he’s been working on.

He abandoned his paper then, having been dragged out of the zone by thoughts of his brother.

“Hey. Itachi.”

“Yes?” Itachi did seem like he was working on writing something. He could see the reflection of a white document on his brother’s glasses.

“Do you… have anyone?” He eventually dared to ask. He remembered that Itachi had a girlfriend a few years back. Many years back, actually. He didn’t know of anyone else since then, didn’t know what even happened to that girl. He couldn’t even remember her name, to be honest.

He watched his brother take off his glasses and run his hands up over his face, and then through his hair, sweeping the short hairs at the front of his face away. He took a deep breath, as if this was something hard to admit.

“Sort of.”

So Sasuke would need to open up about Naruto and Itachi could just keep his mouth. That hardly seemed fair. “Complicated?” He asked, instead of telling him what a dick he was.

“Yes.”

Sasuke gave up on trying to get any more answers out of Itachi after that. He felt stupid for thinking that his brother would open up when he didn’t tell Sasuke _anything_ at all about himself. He had just thought that maybe if Itachi had someone to tell him how much he’s worth, he might want to take a few days off and rest.

He left it. He decided to take his thoughts of his brother and let those write poetry instead of whatever he’d been writing about before this.

///

The house felt like it was filled to the brim and was now overflowing with noise and people and alcohol. Sasuke was sitting on the couch, one of his thighs thrown over Naruto’s, who was sitting right next to him. He had an arm wrapped around Sasuke and that gave him a sure point to hold onto in this chaos. He knew that Naruto would protect him, that was all that he needed to know right now.

Naruto was talking to the dog kid – Kiba, yeah. Sasuke liked him. He was weird and wild but very funny, and he had a very big dog that he could pet occasionally. He knew now, though, that he was there to watch for seizures, so he left him alone for the most part.

They were going on about sports, which Sasuke tuned out successfully. He would support Naruto through hell but he just couldn’t bear to hear any more about volleyball teams. The things his boyfriend usually babbled on about were more than enough.

There were many people that Sasuke hadn't met before. Naruto had introduced him to everyone, but he'd already forgotten the names, and in one girl’s case, didn’t even hear it. There was a guy with resting bitch face and a ponytail, a sarcastic girl with him, a chubbier dude and the quiet girl with crazy blue eyes, and Naruto’s usual friends came, too. It was a crowd, in Sasuke’s opinion, it reminded him of when Itachi dragged him off to meet all of his friends. He felt like he wanted to sink into Naruto’s arms and stay quiet all night, but at least he wasn’t panicking anymore. He’d had at least three bouts of paranoia today, it seemed like it tired itself out.

"You like sports, Sasuke?" The dude that Naruto called Shika flopped down next to him on the couch, beer in hand. His girlfriend was off in the kitchen with chubby guy, preparing snacks or something, so it seemed like he was bored enough to approach Sasuke.

"No," Sasuke replied shortly, taking his thigh off of Naruto so he could turn towards the guy. He picked up his cider and took a sip because what else was he supposed to be doing with his hands?

"Yeah, me neither. All that... Runnin' round." The guy drawled as he spoke, he was almost lazy with the way he talked. "I prefer games you can play sittin' down."

"Video games, you mean?" Sasuke asked, leaning back against Naruto when he felt the other wrap his arm a bit tighter around him. He was never sure if this was possessiveness or just him being protective, but he appreciated it nevertheless. It was grounding.

Shika hummed in response and drank some of his beer before he spoke. "Those, too, yeah. I mostly like strategy board games. Chess n' stuff. But video games, those, too."

"Hm. My brother used to be a chess champion in middle school. I never cared for it." Sasuke took a swig. Conversation was hard and foreign, and drinking helped.

"Wait, really?" Naruto turned his head to butt in. "Itachi? I mean, you have to be very smart for chess, right?"

Sasuke snorted at him and looked up. He couldn't see his face well from the position he was in but he could hear the disbelief in his voice, and he could see the blond curls bounce as he moved his head, which he thought was cute.

"Yeah. He's very smart. Are you surprised?"

"Well, now that I think about it, no. I guess he does look like a genius," Naruto mused, reaching to fix a few stray strands of Sasuke's hair.

"He older than you?" Shika asked.

Sasuke nodded lazily.

"He's still in college?"

"No."

"What does he do then?"

"Walmart, and he cleans at a hotel."

"_What_? Why?" Naruto asked, surprise evident on his tone. Sasuke didn't feel like replying to that at all, especially not with ponytail sitting right there. He seemed okay, but way too smart and frankly, a bit rude. He didn't seem surprised at all, he still had that stoic look on him as if he knew this all along. Why was he looking at him like that?

Then Shika /chuckled/. What the fuck? "What's so funny?" He made sure to control his tone but it still came out somewhat snappy.

“It’s not, it’s sad. But it clicks,” Shika explained, and Naruto’s arm around his chest tightened a little. “’ve heard about your family. I’m very sorry. I suppose Itachi is working those jobs to support you and didn’t get to study,” He nonchalantly explained, as if he now knew everything about him and his past.

Sasuke decided he didn’t like this guy.

“My family life is not your business. Don’t assume shit about things you don’t know.” He turned his head and sat up straighter against Naruto. The blond was still holding him, even tighter now. He felt like it was suffocating him somewhat.

“Yeah, sorry.” Even the apology reeked of Shika’s superiority complex. Sasuke touched Naruto’s arm to get him to let go and headed to the bathroom instead, excusing himself from the conversation like the polite guy he was.

He closed the bathroom door behind himself and locked it. He carefully washed his forehead and cheeks to avoid getting any of his makeup off but still be able to cool down a little. Fucking arrogant bastard Shika. Who was he to just _suppose_ things about Sasuke? Ask things about his brother and then laugh at him and have the nerve to act so fucking smart?

He let out a long exhale as he watched himself in the mirror. Oh wow, he looked angry. He used the towel that he always used when he was here at Naruto’s to dry off. _Get your shit together._

Sasuke sat down on top of the washing machine. He tried to be rational and think about what had happened without letting his emotions taint it, like Naruto had taught him to. But that somehow made it worse.

This was a very smart guy, apparently, who had _heard about his family_ – what had he heard? What did he know? Did he know about the accident? Did he hear the rumours about Itachi? Did he know about his uncle? And if he didn’t, how long until he grew curious and tried to find out on his own? How long before he confronted Sasuke about it, blackmailed him with it? What if he told Naruto about everything and he ended up leaving Sasuke because of it? What if he was being a smart ass _right now_ and telling Naruto that he should leave Sasuke? It didn’t take long before he was spiralling.

The tears started. He was trying his hardest to suppress his sobs so that no one would hear him. That would be humiliating; he couldn’t cry in front of Naruto’s friends. They’d tell him to leave because his boyfriend was emotionally unstable.

Which, yeah. He was. Maybe Naruto should leave him, he’d be better off. He could enjoy being with his friends without Sasuke crying about it like a bitch.

The knock on the door disturbed him – he thought that he’d have to leave his refuge because someone needed to come in, but then he heard his boyfriend’s honey-voice, singing ‘Sasuke? Can I come in?’ with audible concern. His heart swelled when he heard him – he couldn’t help it, Naruto always seemed to have that effect on him. He made Sasuke feel things he thought he forgot how to feel.

Sasuke’s first thought was _absolutely not_. Then he remembered all the times he had forced himself to trust Naruto, and he decided to get off the washing machine and turn the key in the lock. Naruto opened the door slowly.

“Sweetheart…” The blond quietly lulled, his gentle hands already around Sasuke’s waist as if he was a magnet being drawn in. He kicked the door closed behind him, it made a soft click. “Don’t listen to him, alright? He was inconsiderate and rude but everything is fine. You don’t have to talk to him again.”

Sasuke gripped onto Naruto, desperate to feel his warmth around his body. If this was the last night before Shika told him about everything then he wanted to be close; he wanted to feel loved for as long as he could. He could already picture Naruto yelling at him, telling him he’s disgusting, calling his brother a freak, believing every lie.

“Love, you’re shaking. Come on, let’s sit down. Do you need some water?” Naruto asked as he got Sasuke to sit down on the toilet lid. He nodded weakly and wiped at his face – Ino was a saint for lending him her waterproof mascara. He really didn’t want to do his makeup all over again.

He drank the water that Naruto brought him and watched as the boy settled on the floor next to his legs. He laid his head on his thigh and Sasuke raked his fingers through his unruly hair, trying to fight his tears back. He really, really hated crying in front of Naruto, and he’d done this once already today. He really didn’t deserve Naruto’s patience.

He was fine after a few minutes after that. He managed to convince himself that this Shika dude wouldn’t do that to him, and even if he did, Naruto wouldn’t leave him for it. He just hoped that he was right.

///

Sasuke was positively drunk. Not at the point where he would collapse and throw up all over himself, but at the point where he was laughing freely with Naruto his friends. He seemed like he was genuinely enjoying himself, he was sat sideways in Naruto’s lap, an arm wrapped around his neck loosely. The other held a mostly empty bottle of cider, which he picked up sometime after they stopped doing shots. Naruto was merely tipsy – he wanted to keep an eye on Sasuke tonight, make sure that he could help if his boyfriend got upset again.

“Okay, so Hinata and I are there, Sakura is in getting us drinks, and a man comes up to us.” Ino was talking, an arm wrapped around Hinata in a friendly manner. The other girl was playing with her hoodie strings almost nervously. “We don’t even get to tell him to go away before he’s ranting on like, ‘Hey girls, do you agree that life is shit and anyways, you two are shit for being out here and drinking like this, what are you two doing with your lives, what can you show for the life you’ve lead so far’, and so on and so forth. And Sakura comes out then,” She glanced at her girlfriend, the adoration obvious in her eyes and her tone, “and she asks us if the guy is bothering us. I say yes. So she punches him, square in the jaw.”

Naruto was quiet with his laugh so he could hear Sasuke’s better - even though he’d heard it before, it was such a rare treat that he treasured every single occasion. It was his favourite sound in the whole world. He pressed a lingering kiss to the red cheek in front of him.

“Needless to say, we were thrown out of the bar,” Sakura finished the story with a chuckle. She leaned over Hinata to say, “I’d punch a million high idiots for you, baby” to Ino, and kiss her.

The conversation went on for a while. Sasuke ended up mostly talking to Ino and Sakura, and while the two girls chatted most of the time and Sasuke didn’t say a lot, Naruto could feel that he was relaxed and was enjoying himself. It was a great thing to feel, that his lover was happy.

It was around two in the morning when Sasuke started digging through his pocket. “I’m going out for a smoke,” He said, sliding off of Naruto’s lap, still graceful despite not being sober at all. He got up to follow when Sasuke tilted his head towards the balcony door.

They left Kiba, Shino and the three girls in the living room. Shikamaru, Temari and Choji have all left already, which Naruto thought was perfect. He liked when the house was too full and packed, but it seemed like Sasuke was more comfortable with less people. He really didn’t want Shikamaru talking to him again, either. He didn’t know why, but he seemed to really dislike Sasuke, and vice versa.

Sasuke was pulling on his hand as they headed to the balcony door. Once outside and hidden from the others’ view, Sasuke grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him in for a deep, hard kiss.

It came as a surprise, but after a moment, Naruto was kissing him back, picking up the other boy’s pace, pulling the black haired beauty in close to his chest by his waist. When he felt Sasuke tug at his lips with his teeth, he let out a quiet groan and parted his lips to lick into Sasuke’s warm, smoke-stained mouth. He couldn’t find the taste repulsive, not when it was the guy he was in love with.

When Sasuke pulled back, he looked down on him breathlessly, taking in the sight of dark eyes staring up at him and pants falling from pink, bruised lips. “God, you’re so beautiful,” He muttered, because fuck, he meant it. Sasuke was the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen, especially like this, looking at Naruto with want and with _love_. “What’s got into you, huh?” He asked, then, before Sasuke could reply, kissed him again.

“Just…” Sasuke muttered, cut off by Naruto’s mouth. He didn’t seem to mind, returned it eagerly, even. He wasn’t as forceful this time, instead, he let Naruto lead him and set the pace.

“… Wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed tonight,” Sasuke eventually managed to say, when their lips were still brushing against each other. Naruto kept his eyes closed and pulled his boyfriend in closer, their chests pressed against each other.

“Mm, yeah? You had fun?” Naruto kissed at the corner of Sasuke’s mouth so he could keep talking, but Sasuke just breathed out a ‘yeah’. He took that as a cue to move back to Sasuke’s lips.

He only pulled back when he felt Sasuke press against his thigh.

“Hey, babe, no,” He mumbled, gently nudging against Sasuke, which, yeah, was probably stupid, it made the other groan deeply. Fuck, that noise. Goddamn Sasuke. “You’re drunk, no. Bad idea.” He was a bit more firm now.

“Naruto…” Sasuke almost _purred_, and it was driving Naruto crazy. Still, he tried hard to think clearly through the alcohol induced haze and his horniness, which – yeah, Sasuke was definitely having an effect on him. “I’m not that drunk.”

“Let’s go to bed instead. We’ll wash our makeup off, make out in bed for a bit, then fall asleep. Sound good?” Naruto offered, his hand resting on Sasuke’s heated cheek now. He couldn’t stop staring at his flushed face. He looked so _hot_, Naruto had never seen him like this, so wanting and playful. He was looking forward to seeing him like this again, just not… drunk.

To his surprise, Sasuke didn’t fight it. He nodded simply, and leaned up to give Naruto another short kiss. He adjusted his hoodie a bit over his crotch, giving Naruto a little devilish smirk before he turned and headed back inside, the pack of cigarettes forgotten on the balcony rail.

///

“So you had fun tonight?” Naruto whispered to the fluff of black hair in his face and breathed the vanilla-smoke scent in.

Sasuke shifted in Naruto’s arms a little, as if he was nestling in. He was always cute when he was sleepy, but now that he was also drunk and his walls were down, he was even more adorable. When Naruto first saw him in the classroom, clad in all black, chains rattling on his pants, nails sharpened and painted black, he never thought he’d call this guy cute, but Sasuke held many surprises, it appeared.

“Yeah,” Came the quiet response, and Naruto chuckled when he realised that Sasuke was almost asleep. “Let’s do it again sometime.”

“Alright, baby. We will,” Naruto promised, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of a warm body wrapped around him, clinging to him, as if he was needed, like he could protect him from the world. “Good night, sweetheart.”

Sasuke didn’t say anything after that. When the boy’s breathing was finally quiet and his heartbeat had slowed down, Naruto let himself fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fresh out of the oven baby. just finished it up. im probably gonna read over this again later because i can barely keep my eyes open by now but i was too excited to post this to wait until tomorrow. hope you like it. 4k words because you know. why not. please comment it makes me smile. have a great night everyone love you.


	5. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i barely had time to write this fhsjf i wanted to add another scene but that wouldve taken another day so. anyway i hope you enjoy this.

“Tell me about Nagato.”

Naruto’s sigh came after a few moments of quiet. Rain was pattering against the window, a late April thunderstorm crackling above them. Naruto usually asked Sasuke to be with him during a storm; he was scared of the loud noises and the flashes of light that it brought along, and seeing Sasuke so calm and even enjoying it made it easier to relax.

He pulled Sasuke’s body closer to his own, held him like a security blanket or a stuffed animal, let the warmth comfort him. Quiet music was playing on a small speaker on Naruto’s bedside table, the one Kiba got him for Christmas. Ino’s playlist was playing on their shared Spotify account.

“Wanna hear about Nagato?” He mumbled, his fingers raking through Sasuke’s black locks of hair – he’d been complaining about needing a cut but Naruto didn’t let him do it. He loved it when his bangs were in front of his face, even if it covered his eyes because sometimes Sasuke would put these clips in to keep it away, or he’d pull it up in a small ponytail on top of his head, or struggle to push it back every five seconds. It was all very cute, Naruto thought.

“He’s my uncle, right, crazy red hair like my mom had, he has a lot of piercings and tattoos, he’s bad with kids but good with rats and mice. What do you want to know?” He couldn’t say he knew too much about him, and he couldn’t honestly say he wanted to know much more.

“When were you taken away?” Sasuke asked, pulling his head back so he could look at Naruto’s face. He looked sleepy, his eyes blinking lazily up at him. That was probably why he was so chatty. He was always chatty before he fell asleep.

“When I was three or four. I don’t really remember, honestly, I don’t have a lot of memories…” Naruto ran his hand up and down Sasuke’s back, feeling the ridges in his spine. The boy had gained a bit of weight since he started dating Naruto but he was still _so small_. At least his ribs were no longer showing.

“What made them take you?”

“Police found me locked in a room, crying,” He replied honestly. There was no point for him to keep secrets, especially when he was trying so hard to get Sasuke to open up.

The body in his arms tensed up. “Police?”

“Yeah.” Naruto reached down to sweep Sasuke’s bangs away from his face and tuck a few strands of hair behind his ear. “Someone tipped them off that Nagato had ties to some dealer so they did a search. I think I’d been in there for a while, right, I don’t really remember. But I was dirty and he never… fed me enough… And all that, so they took me away.”

Sasuke’s hand reached to stroke Naruto’s jaw with the back of his fingers. He leaned into the soft touch.

“You still talk to him. Are you not angry with him?”

Naruto sighed again. “He’s all I have of my mother,” His voice dropped low, almost to a whisper. “I… He was like, twenty-one, an addict, in debt, and had a two year old dropped on him. He didn’t do the right thing but he’s the only biological family I have left. And besides, I’m not good at holding grudges. He’s clean now, got married, he keeps in touch. That’s enough for me. It was sixteen years ago anyway.”

“I don’t know how you do that.” Sasuke had pressed his forehead against Naruto’s neck. In this position, his words were mostly muffled.

“What?”

“Forgive.”

The thunderstorm outside had died down to a quiet rain. Ino’s playlist had ended. Iruka and Kakashi were asleep in the other room, Naruto could hear the guy snoring – it wasn’t disturbing, just added to the white noise around them. Sasuke burrowed closer, possibly trying to get warmer, and if his breathing didn’t give him away, Naruto would have thought he was asleep, too.

“What were your parents like?” Naruto spoke into the silence, into the now dark room, and added, “If you want to talk about it.”

It was Sasuke’s turn to sigh, and he turned his body away from Naruto to lay on his back instead, warmth forgotten. One of his arms was left trapped under Naruto and his hand ran up and down his back lazily. Naruto watched as he blinked up at the ceiling slowly, as if he was thinking of what to say, like he himself had been a few minutes ago.

“My mother’s name was Mikoto. She was Japanese and didn’t speak English well. She was… beautiful, and kind, and had so much love to give. She’d sing to me in Japanese while she bathed me.” Sasuke spoke in the distant voice he used to use on Naruto, before they started dating; like he was controlling his emotions. Naruto could already see them seeping through the cracks.

“I don’t know how she ended up with my father. He was… a bastard – and that’s terrible of me to say, because he’s _dead_, but he was _cruel,_” Sasuke continued, his free hand coming up to nestle into his own hair, the heel of his palm resting on his forehead. “He was strict, and he’d yell at my mother and I don’t know why they were married, presumably because of a visa, or whatever. But he owned a company, we were quite well off, we always had a full fridge and game consoles and three new coats every winter and so many… shoes.”

Naruto had been listening closely, hanging onto every single one of Sasuke’s words. Such a genuine, honest moment was rare with him, so he cherished every second, tried to take in the way he spoke and store it in his memory. It was amazing, it really was – when Sasuke opened up like this, it was like Naruto was staring into another world entirely. It was as if Sasuke was the open, starry sky and the longer he looked, the more stars he could see, the more constellations he could draw like a game of connect the dots.

“How did you and your mother talk?” He asked. He could feel that the memory of his father upset Sasuke more than his mother’s did. He didn’t want to push him too hard so he wouldn’t close back up when they were doing so well.

Sasuke let out a quiet laugh, one of those genuine ones. It rang and echoed around the quiet room. “She got better and better as the years went on, and Itachi and I learned a lot of Japanese from her, so we mostly talked in a jumbled mess of languages… whatever came to mind first.”

“Wait, you’re telling me you know an entire other language and you never told me?” Naruto sat up at once, careful not to hurt the little arm under himself. “Can you tell me something in Japanese?” He asked, hopeful. He never knew this side of Sasuke, and getting to know more about him filled him with some kind of warmth, like he was falling in love over and over again with him.

“Oyasumi to amai yume.” Naruto’s heart skipped a beat – he didn’t even know what it meant but he thought it sounded beautiful coming from his mouth. For a moment, he stared at Sasuke with a grin. He could see hints of a repressed smile on the other’s face, like he was enjoying this. Before he could ask, the other elaborated, “Good night and sweet dreams, or something like that.”

“Can you talk more?” He requested, his grin almost painful with how wide it grew.

“I haven’t… spoken Japanese in ten years-” Sasuke tried to say. Naruto would’ve pouted if he wasn’t grinning so hard. Instead, he cut him off.

“Come on, you must remember something. It doesn’t have to make sense.”

“Uhh…” Sasuke puffed as he tried to rake his brain for more phrases. _Cute. _“Gakko de yoiichinichiwo. Sewa o suru. Yasai o taberu.”

Naruto let out a happy laugh when Sasuke stopped, giddy and playful and light, and leaned over Sasuke, his body hovering over the other’s, hands placed on either side of his head to support himself. He pressed his lips sweetly against the other’s (he took a moment to read his body language, make sure that the position didn’t scare him), the grin still tugging at his lips, against the other’s mouth. When he pulled back, he saw Sasuke smiling back at him, unconcealed this time.

“You’re sexy when you speak Japanese,” Naruto told him, “It suits you.”

“You thought it was sexy when I read poetry to you.”

“Must be your voice.”

“I like yours more.” When Sasuke’s voice dropped like that, Naruto was sure that he would faint. 

“That’s ‘cause you don’t hear yourself, stupid,” He murmured back after his moment of disgraceful swooning.

Sasuke reached up to hook his arms around Naruto’s neck. He moved so he had one of his knees between the other’s thighs and kept watching him, paying attention to every movement of his eyes, his shoulders, his breath. He looked calm, still.

A hand tangled into the hair at the nape of his neck, the other slid under the neckline of his shirt and draped over the top of his back. Sasuke closed his eyes under him and swallowed audibly.

“Thank you. For – making me remember. I haven’t really thought about her since... I… feel better knowing I still have something from her,” Sasuke admitted, his dark, glowing eyes opening back up and focusing in on his own.

(Naruto could recognise the patterns in how he spoke: how he said thank you, told him what for, and how it helped him – that was the way Iruka had taught him to communicate when he was a kid, and, apparently, how he had accidentally taught Sasuke to express his feelings.)

Sasuke’s forehead was warm against his own when he pressed them together. The feeling of his boyfriend’s breath on his upper lip made him heart skip a beat. “I’m glad you feel better,” He returned, nose grazing against Sasuke’s.

Sasuke was the one to pull back and start mouthing at Naruto’s jaw this time, and while it came as a surprise, it was not an unwelcome one. Sparks flew in his stomach, his hand moved down to rest over the ribs under him. Sasuke shrugged off the way his body tensed and continued, so Naruto did, too.

“You know,” _God_, Naruto had no idea that a voice could be so sensual, “I’m not drunk right now.”

“Oh yeah?” He returned, looking into Sasuke’s half-lidded eyes as the other pulled back. They only locked their gaze for a second before lips were attacking his neck. He tipped his head to the side to give way for him – he felt teeth then, curiously nipping, and he let out a soft noise. He didn’t care if Sasuke left a mark. Iruka wouldn’t mind, and he could take the teasing from his friends – the embarrassment later was worth enjoying Sasuke’s hot mouth on him.

Sasuke hummed against his skin, and the vibrations made Naruto chuckle. “Yeah.” The other left a nip on Naruto’s neck before he pulled away again, his eyes searching his own, darting back and forth between the two. “I want to make you feel good the way you did to me. If you let me.”

How could Naruto say no to that?

///

Naruto stared at himself in the rear-view mirror, his hands desperately attempting to tame his hair, make the curls obey his wishes. They didn’t. They stuck out in directions that they weren’t supposed to, and to Sasuke it was endearing, but Naruto thought it wasn’t proper enough for the situation.

“Naruto, stop fussing. He won’t see if something is out of place with your hair, he’s blind as a bat without his glasses.” He was still sitting patiently in his seat, knowing that Naruto was going to keep nervously fixing everything on himself. He’d been doing this all afternoon; it was cute for a while but now he just wished he trusted Sasuke when he said everything would be fine.

His words seemingly caught Naruto’s attention. “And he’s not gonna wear his glasses?” He sounded so hopeful that it made Sasuke snort.

“I don’t think so. Now come on,” He urged, and, bored with waiting for him, got out of the car first. Naruto had no choice but to follow. The blond locked the car, and immediately, a hand slid into his own, sweaty and clamped, and Sasuke wondered just what Naruto was so scared of. He gave the fingers a little squeeze. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“I know, I just, I want this to go well, right, I want him to like me because I know he’s important to you,” Naruto spoke way too fast, and Sasuke couldn’t resist rolling his eyes. A small smile tugged at his lips.

“Relax and be yourself, then. I like you when you’re like that.”

“I’ll try, yeah, right,” Naruto mumbled under his breath, his free hand raking through his hair over and over again.

Sasuke went first. Truth be told, despite his comfortable and disinterested demeanour, he was nervous, too. Itachi liking someone was a rare occasion. He wasn’t sure he’d like Naruto, he couldn’t be – he felt like he could count the people Itachi actually deemed worthy on one hand, and he was one of them. All he knew was that his brother would be polite and nice whatever he thought of his boyfriend, and Naruto wouldn’t know if he had a distaste for him. That was enough.

He pushed the door open, calling out a ‘hey’ to Itachi. The smell of something delicious filled Sasuke’s nose the second he entered, the warmth of the stove wrapped around him. Katsu was at his feet in a second, rubbing up against his calf and greeting him with a soft sound. The room didn’t feel empty, it felt like a home now that it was filled with Sasuke’s two favourite people. He crouched down to untie his shoes and neatly set them down while Naruto just kicked his own off. They somehow landed on their soles, next to each other.

“Hello,” Came Itachi’s greeting, mostly directed at Naruto, who was smiling that stupid charming smile that had wooed Sasuke months back, lopsided, showing teeth, _handsome_. Itachi extended a hand and Naruto took it. Standing this close, Sasuke clearly saw the inch or two Itachi had on Naruto.

“Uchiha Itachi. It’s great to finally meet you.”

“Uzumaki Naruto. Uh, likewise.”

The air was tense and heavy. Sasuke decided to step in before either of them went idiot mode and made this more awkward.

“What did you make for us, Itachi?” He asked, placing one of his hands on the small of Naruto’s back as a way to calm him, if only a little. His older brother eyed them curiously.

“Vegetarian curry. I hope that’s fine with the both of you.”

///

“Oh, he was a sweet child. Very smart, he grew bored easily – mother had a hard time getting him to sit still for long. I would have to amuse him,” Itachi recounted, back turned to Sasuke. Naruto was smiling at him, comfortable now, giddy as usual; his face was resting on his hands as he listened to the elder Uchiha.

Sasuke had leaned against the doorframe, unable to hold his smile as he watched the two of them. Seeing them getting along so well made his heart ache with happiness. Tonight was going much better than he expected it to, mostly due to Naruto’s inexplicable ability to charm and make friends with anyone he met, and that his brother was ready to be open to Sasuke’s new boyfriend. Secretly, he trusted that it would go well, he felt like he had chosen the right people to be close to.

“And how did you do that?” Naruto asked Itachi, “Cause I could use some tips.” Itachi never laughed, but he had this smile – with his eyes closed and his lips curling at the ends, and he made a soft exhale – that let Sasuke know he found Naruto funny.

They hadn’t noticed Sasuke yet, he’d just returned from the small bathroom, and in his short absence the two of them had started talking about his childhood. Typical.

“Well, Sasuke loved animals ever since he was a small child, so I once had him keep a diary of the neighbourhood animals. He was allowed to walk on our street alone, it kept him busy for a while, he drew them all and gave them whatever names he felt fit them. I had him help in the housework sometimes, he was a quick learner, he only had to watch me tend the garden once and he did it perfectly every time after that – he was always happy to help, and whenever we picked vegetables from the garden he was so happy. It was a bit easier to get him to sit still when he started learning how to read, once he picked up a book he never put it down easily before he was finished.”

Naruto had noticed Sasuke and was now smirking over Itachi’s shoulder, right at him. _Cheeky bastard_. “That’s so _adorable_. He still does that, right, I can’t talk to him if he gets too much into a book.”

Sasuke decided to interrupt the conversation, feeling a little embarrassed after hearing his childhood stories, no matter how idyllic the sight of them was. “Would you two like some sake?” He asked, reaching for the three ceramic cups when he got two affirmative answers. He felt a pang of nostalgia – the sake set used to be Shisui’s.

///

It was a little awkward to sleep with Itachi in the room. Even with his brother turned towards the wall, curled up on the spare mattress, it was uncomfortable – if Itachi were to turn around, he’d find Sasuke nestled into his boyfriend’s arms while the blond kissed his face over and over again, a tipsy grin spread over his features. These gestures of love, this intimacy – it was almost a secret between them, at least for Sasuke, a secret he didn’t want to share with his brother.

Regardless, the evening had gone by well enough. Itachi _liked_ Naruto, Sasuke could tell. He made conversation, he let Naruto joke with him, they drank together comfortably. It was a relief, but even more so, it made Sasuke feel closer to Naruto and Itachi both now that the two most important people in his life knew each other. He’d let them in, if only a little, but he worked hard to get this far, and it was paying off, his reward being the unconditional love he received from the both of them, though very different in nature. He felt the same thing he did when they spent the day at Naruto’s, that unmistakable feeling of domesticity and _home _and _family_, and this time, it didn’t feel alien and strange, it felt comfortable. Sasuke let himself sink into it.

He returned one of Naruto’s kisses and listened to him let out a soft giggle, barely audible even in the quiet of the room. As he stared up into the warm brown eyes, he felt a soft tug in his stomach, the sure sign of an emotion that he didn’t think he wanted to unpack tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it thank you for reading. leave a comment and kiss a dog


	6. Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a new chapter. its a NEW CHAPTER  
also im thinkin of changing this fics title bc i suddenly hate it

“I don’t care, I don’t _owe_ that to you, you’re not entitled to know _anything_ about me, and if you can’t accept that, get out of my fucking life.” Sasuke had raised his voice. His usually elegant and relaxed body was full of tension, his shoulders brought up high, the fingers Naruto was so in love with twisting with nerves and clenching into fists. He could barely feel his heart breaking under all the anger; not towards Sasuke, never towards him, but towards whatever had happened that made him end up like this. He threw his hands up to run them through his hair and push the curls out of his face and he saw the other flinch at the sudden movement. It only served to make him angrier.

“I’m not _entitled_, Sasuke, but I _am _your boyfriend and I just want to _help_ you and I know it’s hard for you to believe that, but you need to trust me - that’s what a relationship is!” Naruto saw him struggle with his composure, his body cowering in, and suddenly he felt guilty for raising his voice.

“Maybe you should stop expecting this whole thing to be easy and basing our relationship on your hero complex, on these ideas that one day I’ll be whole and _fixed_ and _open for you_.” Sasuke curled into himself more. “And if you can’t handle that then you don’t love _me_, you love the pretty, smart, beautifully broken boy you can show off to your friends at parties.” He was seething, his voice no longer raised but serious and cynical, dripping with something terrible. Naruto’s stomach sank at the words thrown at him.

Is that how he really felt?

He stared at the other boy in front of him. The black eyes refused to meet his own, instead trained on the floor under his feet. An arm had wrapped around his own stomach, the other buried itself into the black curtain of hair. Unlike Naruto, he didn’t seem angry. He looked miserable, scared, small. Naruto took a step forward, intending to comfort him.

Sasuke’s head shot up instantly and he took a step back as if he’d been burned, his expression twisting to one of pure _hatred_. His bangs fell into his face and fierce eyes glared up at Naruto from under them. “Don’t you _dare_ fucking touch me,” He hissed before he went over to the bed – avoiding Naruto in a large radius – and grabbed his phone.

“Sasuke, please, I –“

“Shut the _fuck_ up, Naruto, I’m tired of your bullshit.” He grabbed his coat from the back of Naruto’s chair.

He stepped toward Sasuke again, desperate, tears welling in his eyes. Everything felt overwhelming; he couldn’t have him leave, it was dark already and too cold for his light jacket and he lived so far away; he didn’t want to be without him when he knew he was mad at him. “Don’t go, let’s just talk through this-“ He reached out to touch Sasuke’s wrist, barely even brushing the skin before he was yelled at again.

“Get the fuck away from me! Let me go, don’t hurt me!” He almost jumped away from Naruto, and it was then that he started crying, at the sight of his lover so afraid of him and so _angry,_ making him feel dizzy and nauseous, and Sasuke, the only comfort he could have in this moment, was running out the door, slamming it behind himself.

_Fuck_. He let a heavy sigh past his lips and forced his tears back in. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to follow Sasuke. While every fibre of his body told him to go after him, to protect him, to keep him close, he didn’t want to suffocate Sasuke and push him further away.

So instead of following, he wandered out of his room and found Iruka sitting at the kitchen table, grading papers. He must have heard every word – the walls were paper thin. He looked uncomfortable but focused on his work.

Naruto got himself a glass of water before he sat down in front of his foster dad, resting his head in his hands and his elbows on the tabletop. “I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he said into his palms eventually. He felt like shit. Judging from his foster dad’s worried glance, he looked like it, too.

Iruka set down his stack of papers, a deep sigh leaving his lips. “Naruto,” He started, releasing his hair from the hair tie keeping it in a bun before he continued, “I feel embarrassed for even asking this, but I need to know – you didn’t… hurt him, did you?” Naruto’s entire stomach twisted.

He honestly felt a little hurt that Iruka would ask that – why did everyone suddenly assume he was violent? Even the thought of hurting Sasuke made him sick and ready to throw up. “No, Iruka, of course I didn’t, what the hell.” He took a sip of his water, wiping at his wet eyes. “He’s… I think he was… abused as a kid, I don’t know, he won’t tell me,” He eventually muttered out. Even admitting this to himself made him want to cry and hold his boyfriend. “He’s jumpy, that’s – that’s all. He’s just jumpy,” He was trying to convince himself more than Iruka. Sasuke didn’t hate him. It was just fear, he told himself.

He almost missed the look that Iruka gave him, a sad, aching one. “I see,” He said simply, as if he didn’t know what to say. It seemed like the mere idea of hurting someone made Iruka sick, too.

“It’s just – “ Naruto went on unprompted, “I wish he told me what’s going on in his head, right, I was just… I just wanted to help him. I wish he would be open up, he’s… I only learned his mother’s name a few days ago. He speaks _Japanese_ and I didn’t know that because he closes everything in. I just want to understand him, you know?” He rambled, swishing his water around in his cup. His hands shook. “I don’t even – like, it’s obvious that it’s abuse, I figured that out on my own, I wouldn’t _need_ him to tell me that. I just wish he did. I wish he told me about what scares him, how I could help him feel more comfortable – it’s… I don’t know. It’s probably selfish.”

Iruka hummed in agreement. He watched his foster son twirl his glass of water around intently, as if he was lost in thought.

“You know, the same thing is happening with Kakashi and I,” He eventually said, his voice dropping low and serious. “He’s told me a few of the things that had happened in his past but there’s still so much that I just don’t know, and he won’t tell me. He never told me why he needs the hearing aid,” _I'd be too powerful and sexy if even my hearing was perfect_, Naruto remembered, “he has awful nightmares that he wakes up from almost every night, and he never tells me what they’re about. But there’s no reason to push him, he’ll tell me whenever he feels ready, and maybe I will never know, but I love him regardless. I don’t need to know to be good to him.”

Naruto let out a sigh, a low, deep one. He considered Iruka's words, leaning back in his seat. _Because everyone wants to know when it was, how it happened — say something about it. How the night hail made imprints all over_, he recalled the lines that Sasuke had read to him, and maybe if it wasn’t him saying those words they would’ve meant something else entirely, but now the words were hitting him with full force. “I… I try not to push him. I really just wish that he was more open. I’m scared I’m screwing this up because I’m asking him to be something he isn’t.”

“Then don’t do it. Let him be. You’ll have so many fights, like Kakashi and I, and you’ll make him uncomfortable a lot of times, but eventually you’ll adjust to each other. A relationship is effort, hard work, especially when it’s with someone like Kakashi or Sasuke, but if you love him, you’ll respect the ways he tries to heal,” Iruka looked over Naruto, "and maybe those ways are different from your ideas of healing. You two are very different, that's obvious. You can't expect him to operate the same way you do."

Naruto nodded quietly. He supposed Iruka was right. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll try again. Maybe it's better to try to understand him the way he is rather than ask him to act in a way I understand... I hope he's not mad at me,” He worried. He checked his phone anxiously – Sasuke hadn’t sent him anything. He was worried sick.

  
“I’m sure he isn't as angry as he tried to show himself being,” Iruka tried to offer, his eyes kind and comforting as Naruto looked back at him.

  
"Yeah, I hope so, too. I hope it's just that he was scared I'd hurt him, or something," He mumbled, setting down his now empty glass.

  
There was quiet for a bit, save for the dog in the flat above them barking and the family in the one next to them talking at the dinner table. Naruto had met them, a mom and dad and two children younger than him. He would never admit out loud how jealous he was of them. Naruto had to fight to be loved. They were given it unconditionally.

It started to rain outside. Naruto grew more worried about his love, probably wandering around and cold.

  
"He never said he loves me," He hummed into the silence eventually. The words hung heavy in the room until Iruka sighed again.

  
"In an ideal relationship, communication works perfectly, with the both of you expressing your feelings and thoughts and paying attention to each other's emotional and physical needs and boundaries. But real life just doesn't work like that sometimes, and for some people it's near impossible to do these things, at least for a while,” He tried to explain, his hand setting on top of Naruto’s in a comforting manner. “All you can do is wait for him, if you're willing."

  
Naruto nodded immediately, as if it had been a question. "I'd do anything for him, Iruka, it's - we've only been together for what, five months, but I'm so in love with him, so, so in love. And he- he said I don't love _him_, just that he's pretty and smart and that's so _untrue_, I love him for everything he is. I’ve never loved anyone this much, I feel like I’m made to be with him, like it’s fate that we ended up together."

  
"Have you ever told him that?" Iruka asked next, giving Naruto’s hand a squeeze before he pulled it away. The family in the apartment next to them laughed together.

  
Naruto thought about it for a second. A blush crept across his face as images of Sasuke laying with him after reading poetry to him flooded his mind. He subconsciously touched the back of his neck where he knew there was a purple-blue mark on his skin. "Once. I tell him I love him often, but not... Not that whole thing. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, or something...”

Their quiet conversation was soon interrupted by the front door opening with a loud noise. Both of their heads snapped up to look at Kakashi, hair damp, jacket dotted with raindrop stains. “Hello there,” He greeted, cheerful, as he peeled the coat off. Naruto saw Iruka smile wide, his eyes growing fond and happy. “I jus’ wanted to drop by, surprise y’all, then I found this guy sulking around in the rain outside so I brought him here.” He nudged a soaking wet Sasuke forward with his elbow. Naruto stood from his seat immediately, eyes wide, worry coursing through him. Goddammit, he had weak lungs, he couldn’t just afford to get pneumonia because he was being dramatic-

He stopped a few paces away from Sasuke (Kakashi already in Iruka’s arms). He hesitated, tried to ask non-verbally for a peace treaty, knew better than to just touch him without consent.

Dark eyes stared at him, still defiant, still narrowed, small arms crossed over a trembling chest. And yet, Naruto witnessed the moment Sasuke gave up his pride and loosened the tension in his shoulders. His eyes softened as he spoke, “May I please have a change of clothes? The ones in my bag got wet.”

Naruto flashed him a smile. This meant he would stay. He didn’t know what Kakashi said to him, probably never will with the way Sasuke is, but he was thankful to the old man. “Of course, love.”

He knew Sasuke wouldn’t talk about what happened. But when the other was curled up in his arms, dressed in unusually colourful clothes, smelling like coffee and cigarettes and Naruto instead of Sasuke, planting kisses on his face and neck and shoulders, he knew that they didn’t necessarily need to. “I love you, Sas. I do. You make me so happy. I love you,” He whispered to him, over and over into the silence, into the black blur of hair.

///

Sasuke surprised Naruto the next morning.

It was a lazy Sunday, they woke up at ten, at least Naruto did, with Sasuke already awake and gently breathing against the crook of his neck. The sky was clear again after yesterday’s shower and it was a bit too warm to be wrapped this closely around each other but neither of them wanted to move from the comfort of each other’s hold. Sasuke was tracing patterns on Naruto’s bare chest, listening quietly to him mumble away about this cool new series he’d found. He didn’t seem to be paying attention. Naruto didn’t mind.

“Hey,” Sasuke eventually interrupted, his gaze still on his chest. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Yeah? Is that why our shared braincell was busy this morning?”

“Shut up with the braincell jokes already, we’ve been through this. I have two braincells and I try to lend one to you but you just don’t know how to use it.” Naruto let a laugh loose and adjusted his position a little. His legs wrapped around Sasuke’s, and the other shifted closer against him.

“Right, right. Sorry. Go on.”

“I wanted to talk about yesterday,” Sasuke mumbled, tone suddenly more serious, more forced, the light atmosphere between them gone in a second. Naruto pulled back just a little so he could look at the other’s face. He was shocked, almost, he’d spent the night coming to terms with the fact that Sasuke would not talk about incidents like this, and here he was, full of surprises as always. “I… I wanted to… apologise. I hate that I yelled at you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” He ran fingers through the dark hair in front of him, gently untangling the strands that have become knotted during the night. “I don’t blame you,” He said, sincere. He realised that he’s never heard Sasuke apologise like this. He would say sorry if he bumped into Naruto, if he pulled his hair, if he accidentally bit his lip too harshly, but never like this. “I could’ve handled the situation better than that, I was just – I was scared you’d leave and get hurt. I’m always scared when you go out alone in the dark.”

“I know.” He buried his face back in Naruto’s chest. “I often feel like there’s pressure on me… To talk about things that I’d rather forget. And I think I’m starting to realise that I’d repressed more than I’d wanted to and now it’s hard to talk even about unrelated things – like when I told you about my mother,” He spoke quietly. Naruto paid close attention to all of his words, knowing how rare it was to hear him talk like this. “When I hear you and Iruka talking about things it’s always great communication and it’s obvious why you’re so good at identifying your feelings and addressing them so maturely – I never learned that.”

“That’s okay,” Naruto tried to reassure him, hand raking through the pretty black hair still. “I know that it’s harder for you. But you’re doing much better already – you’re doing it right now.”

Sasuke laughed a little. “I’m trying really hard right now,” he admitted. Naruto noticed that he couldn’t look into his eyes. “I just… need time. Can you give me that?”

Naruto felt his heart flutter at the request. God, he’d give Sasuke all of the time in the world if he could. “Of course. Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”

///

Sasuke loved sitting at the breakfast table. Even in his old family, having breakfast together was a very rare treat, with their father usually going to work early, Itachi leaving for school before Sasuke for extracurricular lessons and only their mother staying at home. He could only recall a few instances, and most of those were tense, their father always cold and distant, but they were together. Itachi was still a prodigy who would go to an elite university and Sasuke was just his shadow and not his burden. Their mother was alive and chatting and laughing. He thought back fondly to those breakfasts.

When he was taken to his uncle, there were no normal meals; for years, until Shisui learned how to cook, they survived on takeout and sandwiches alone, eaten hastily, three boys cooped up in a small room on an even smaller mattress because the kitchen was always too filthy to eat there.

The closest thing he could recall to family meals were the ones they shared with Shisui, the three of them gathered around the small table, sharing the small batch of pancakes Sasuke managed to cook up from the very limited amount of flour and milk they had. Shisui always knew how to get the conversation flowing, he even got Itachi to laugh sometimes, which, wow, Sasuke hadn't heard him laugh since then. That was his family meal, and it was not enough, and it left them hungry and skinny in the long run, but they had fun nevertheless. He thought that he’d have to miss those meals forever with his cousin gone.

Until now, of course. These were those idyllic breakfasts he’d dreamed about in his uncle’s house. He and Naruto sat next to each other, Iruka and Kakashi on the opposite side of the kitchen table, Iruka with his hair down, Kakashi with his hair up and his face uncovered, both in their PJ’s as if they were the same age as Naruto and Sasuke, the four of them laughing together over something Naruto had said.

It was like he was part of it. Technically, none of them were related, and only Naruto and Iruka could count as family in any other meaning of the word, and yet, Sasuke felt like he belonged, like these were his people. Like they wanted him to be there. It was a feeling he’d missed.

Iruka always paid attention to have enough food that Sasuke could eat, too – this morning he made him waffles while the rest of them ate bacon and eggs. He was aware (somehow) of his and Itachi’s money problem, and he made sure to keep the fridge stocked enough for the four people that usually resided here. It helped that Kakashi paid for a lot of their food nowadays – the man practically lived here already.

Sasuke liked Kakashi. He had this older brother thing about him, he wasn’t the father figure that Iruka was, even though he was the older one. He reminded him of Shisui. He was laid back and yet experienced, as if he’d seen everything there was to see and knew that nothing was worth worrying over. He also smelled like dogs, he’d told Sasuke that he became a dog walker after he _retired_, whatever that meant. Sasuke barely respected anyone, but he respected Kakashi. Despite his intimidating, buff frame, his _very_ scary eye scar and other mysterious injuries, he felt like he could trust him.

He was sitting opposite of him, on Iruka’s left so he had his right ear – the one with the hearing aid – turned towards the conversation. “Maa, Naruto. The Goths are obviously one of the best looking families and they’ve got long history, you can’t reduce them to just ‘rich emo white people’.” (He had this way of speaking that had Sasuke convinced he had ties to Japan. He couldn’t tell what it was, maybe his intonation.)

Kakashi would make a good dad, if him and Iruka decided to adopt another kid, he thought – they were still young, after all.

Iruka, Sasuke liked Iruka. He was glad that he pulled Naruto out of the terrible place he was at as a child. He was the source of Naruto’s love. He felt like Iruka had poured so much love into him that it overflowed and spread to everyone around him, somehow even managing to reach Sasuke. He was thankful to him, indebted, almost.

(Especially now that he was stuffing him like a grandmother. He would ask several times if he’d eaten enough, and insisted that he didn’t have to feel bad if he wanted to take more, that there would always be enough food for him here. How was he not supposed to feel indebted?)

“Don’t indulge him, Kakashi, he spent two months just cooped up and playing that stupid game last year,” The brunette muttered at the older man. His voice was melodic like Naruto’s, as if he had been the one to teach him how to talk. The look he gave Kakashi resembled the look Naruto gave him so distinctly that he could barely believe they weren’t related.

“Good for him. It’s good for the soul,” Kakashi replied, deadpan, and Sasuke listened to Iruka’s laugh. That was different, very different. It didn’t hold the same sunshine as Naruto’s, he didn’t think. Maybe he was just biased.

“You idiot,” Iruka reached up to cradle the masculine, tired-looking face, Sasuke watched as his fingertips caught in the ends of the silver hair (which Sasuke assumed was dyed, but the more he knew about Kakashi, the more he began to think that he went grey at the things he’d seen). Kakashi ghosted his lips over Iruka’s scar, the one set over his cheeks and nose, and Naruto had looked away, but he himself was still watching the small display of affection unfold.

‘_I love you’,_ He saw the younger mouth at the other, who returned it, with no difficulty, almost inaudibly.

He felt something tug at his guts and his chest. He glanced over at the blond sitting next to him, at his dumb curly hair and his gorgeous dark skin, the one that looked so good against his own, his little uncomfortable look away from his affectionate dad, and the feeling grew yet stronger.

He reached to slide his hand into the other’s. When Naruto looked over at him, he flashed a smile at him, nowhere near as radiant as the blond’s but just as sincere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok thats the new chapter. i wanted family bonding time. im gonna do friend bonding time soon bc i miss my sakuino. comments are very much appreciated i am starved for attention. i love you have a good day


	7. Dances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a terrible case of writers block all week so i decided to go fuck it and wrote down whatever came to mind. if this is sloppy and bad and all over the place, im sorry haha. but i feel better about the block at least!

That day was a good day.

Naruto and Sasuke had gone to the store together to pick up groceries. The walk was short, only a block and a half until the small corner store but Sasuke let Naruto hold his hand on the street for the first time in weeks, and that was _great_. He was usually too afraid to show any signs that they were together out in public, which Naruto understood, but every now and again, he’d kiss him before getting on the bus, or let Naruto wrap an arm around him when they were out in the park on a date or, well, hold his hand on the way to the grocery store. These days were so few and far between that Naruto cherished them deeply every time.

(He never asked why Sasuke didn’t want to show him affection outside – at first he figured he just wasn’t that big on PDA but then he realised that - like most confusing things Sasuke did - it was out of some deep rooted fear, planted by something traumatic that Naruto simply didn’t know about. Then one day, Sasuke briefly mentioned Shisui and his boyfriend, and the puzzle began to piece together in Naruto’s head.)

They cooked a large dinner tonight, just for the two of them (Iruka had gone over to Kakashi’s. Naruto was glad they had the flat to themselves). Sasuke had been teaching him how to cook so he ‘wasn’t so useless’, as he had put it, and since he just had a knack for teaching, it usually went well. And Sasuke was a _great_ cook, a complete natural. He made very tasty meals out of cheap ingredients and even Naruto, who usually only ate meat and rice whenever he wasn’t eating ramen, enjoyed the vegetarian dishes Sasuke whipped up seemingly out of thin air. And he loved cooking with him, he really did. He was always so relaxed, and once or twice, he’d even caught Sasuke humming quietly; and he tried to stay so _quiet_, so that he could listen, but Sasuke always caught him and stopped, mumbling something about sneaking up on him and how rude it was. Today, however, Sasuke sang with him when Naruto started singing along loudly to some stupid music he put on on his phone.

Naruto could barely believe his ears then. Sasuke had a good voice, because _of course he did,_ there was nothing on this boy that wasn’t perfect, or at least that’s how it seemed to Naruto. He quieted down just a bit to be able to hear him better, but after the chorus, Sasuke stopped. He apparently didn’t know the words well enough.

They ate their dinner sitting opposite of each other, even going so far as dressing up nice and lighting a candle (_come on, let’s just pretend I can afford to take you out to a fancy restaurant for our five months anniversary_, and _Naruto, month anniversaries aren’t a thing_) and dimming the lights to give the place a good atmosphere. Naruto could barely focus on his food with how beautiful Sasuke looked like this, the light of the candle dancing across his face, the flame reflecting in his dark, oh-so dark eyes, his fingers elegant as they handled the cutlery, as he held a wine glass, filled halfway with fancy wine that Naruto had actually saved up for. Sasuke liked dry red, so that’s the one he got even though he preferred sweet, just to see Sasuke smile and lick his lips chasing for a single residual drop of the liquid. Just to hear him hum melodically at the taste flooding his mouth.

(Sometimes he felt like he was an ethereal being. An angel, maybe. A demi-god.)

“Hey, Sas. You know how to dance?” Naruto asked then, positively feeling tipsy after sipping his wine so slowly. He saw the heat on Sasuke’s cheeks clearly and knew that he definitely felt the bottle they shared, too. The shade of red on the faint skin darkened more at his question. “Like, slow dancing, I mean,” He clarified.

“Well, I learned how to waltz when I was small, but that was some time ago,” He replied, eyes flicking up from his wine glass to meet Naruto’s through thick black lashes. “Why, do you?”

“I do, actually. I’m great at it,” He boasted, flashing one of those lopsided grins at Sasuke that he knew made the other swoon.

“Oh yeah?” Came the challenge from Sasuke’s mouth, as it almost always did when Naruto started to act too confident, and then, just then, the music changed from an upbeat song to a slow, romantic one – exactly like Naruto expected it to. This was the _Sasuke_ playlist, he knew every song on here by heart because he’d listened to them so many times.

Sasuke’s cocked eyebrow fell. “Oh, don’t tell me you want us to…”

“But I do.” Naruto’s smirk grew into a grin, and he quickly washed down the single mouthful of wine he had left before standing from the table. God, Sasuke blushing was a treat. A rare treat.

“No, we’re not doing this tonight, that’s-“

“Come _on_, loosen up, it will be fun,” Naruto laughed, holding out his hand for Sasuke. “_Shall we?”_

Sasuke huffed, then looked up at the shit-eating grin etched into Naruto’s face and snorted. He reluctantly gave his hand, which Naruto held gently while the other stood up. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“You’ve told me, right. Now come on.” He pulled him in, moving to the middle of the kitchen where there was enough space for the both of them. The hand that held Sasuke’s was still holding on. The other came down to rest on the small of Sasuke’s back – which, yeah, he should’ve placed higher up, but that spot was just _perfect, _the curve of his spine, the thinness of his hips, it drove Naruto crazy_. _Sasuke, in turn, placed his hand on Naruto’s shoulder, softly gripping the fabric of his shirt.

“I’ve never danced the… girl part, before. I’ve always been the lead,” Sasuke murmured when Naruto started to slowly move back and forth with him, eyes never leaving his gorgeous face, his sharp features, his parted lips, even if Sasuke was watching their feet for now, apparently focused on not stepping on Naruto.

“You’re doing great, my love,” Naruto reassured him, pulling Sasuke in just a bit closer to feel his warmth, his body pressing against his own. The music flowed sweetly between them and Naruto kept to the beat, swaying with Sasuke, who had come to rest his head on his shoulder.

“Shut up, idiot.” Sasuke’s breathy whisper held nothing but fondness.

The entire house was silent, not even the family next door or the dog in the flat under them made any noise. It was easy to forget that anything other than the two of them existed in this moment. The music was reaching the catharsis, and Naruto decided to wrap his arm fully around Sasuke’s waist, pulling his body flat against his own in the process, his heart beating fast and so loud that he was sure the other heard it. The sudden movement caused Sasuke to flinch and let out a noise but the tension was gone in a second and he felt a hand tangle up into his hair. Sasuke stood on his tiptoes to be able to rest his forehead, more or less, against Naruto’s.

Judging by the way his breathing was shaky, ragged, and how his hands trembled, he was nervous, too. Naruto loved that he could make cool, detached Sasuke grow weak.

“Follow me, right foot back,” Naruto muttered as a warning before he stepped forward, gently pushing Sasuke’s body to lead him in a waltz. To his delight, Sasuke complied. The black haired boy was _smiling,_ Naruto noticed, wide and uncontained, and he felt like he’d barely ever seen such a beautiful sight.

There were a lot of ways that Sasuke was beautiful. He was beautiful when he made a big effort to be, with elaborate makeup and his favourite clothes and jewellery and perfectly done hair. He was _stunning_ when Naruto looked at him from between his fragile, milky white thighs, when he had his eyes closed and his Adam’s apple bared, his back arching obscenely. He was gorgeous when he had just woken up, his inky hair a complete mess, his eyes barely visible under the untamed bangs, his movements sluggish and slow, his voice husky and odd.

But this, this was something else entirely. Sasuke was _vulnerable_, in a sort of way Naruto hasn’t seen him before. He pressed so close against Naruto’s chest that he could feel his heartbeat against his own, he tugged ever-so-lightly on the hair at the nape of his neck, his eyes looked up at him with a gleam of something, _something_ that he really wanted to name. He placed his trust in Naruto, handed control over to him, let him take the lead and dance with him all around the room as if they were in a ballroom, in suits that cost more money than either of them had ever seen.

He could feel the desperation in the way Sasuke gripped his hand tighter when the second song they danced to ended.

Mr Brightside came on afterwards. Sasuke let go of his hand at once.

“I fucking hate you,” He furrowed his eyebrows in what Naruto knew was mock anger. He was about to laugh at how cute his boyfriend looked like that when Sasuke grabbed his face to kiss him.

God, Sasuke and his kisses. He was so passionate and yet still somehow elegant and controlled, skilful after the months he spent kissing Naruto. He paid close attention to everything he knew would get a reaction out of the blond. He nipped at his bottom lip, he let him take control once their mouths were open, he grabbed onto his hair the way he liked it. This boy. This perfect boy, all his, only his.

Naruto tried to pull him in closer but it was no use, Sasuke was already pressed flat against his chest. The air sizzled around them as they kissed, evident in the way their skin heated up.

He couldn’t help it when he broke the kiss, unable to contain his grin. “Hey, Sasuke.”

“_What,” _The other hissed, annoyance evident in his eyes.

“_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss,” _Naruto sang along, and he laughed out when Sasuke gave him a gentle hit on the back of his neck. He broke away completely despite Naruto’s attempt to pull him back in. He was still laughing and he _knew_ Sasuke was at least amused, judging by his raised eyebrow.

“You’re horrible. I’m never dancing with you again. What kind of fucking playlist is this anyway?” He crossed his arms as he turned away, but Naruto followed, now only chuckling to himself. He wrapped his arms around the boy from behind.

“Come on. You thought it was funny, I can tell. I know you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself.”

Sasuke shoved him gently, enough to make him take a step back. Naruto caught his hand and used it to pull him back against himself, still laughing quietly. The other didn’t protest. When those dark eyes finally turned up to meet his own, he knew that there really were no bad feelings in his boyfriend. He was relaxed, comfortable in Naruto’s arms, his chest rose and fell with calm breaths, his eyes blinked up lazily as he stared up. Naruto, ever-confident, grew almost felt self-conscious, like Sasuke could see straight into him, straight into the thoughts he was having right now, most of them about those soft, pink lips and milky white skin.

The music was mellow again.

“Would you come to prom with me?” He eventually blurted out, unable to bear the silence and the prison of his thoughts for so long. He didn’t even know where that came from, wow, this was stupid, “I mean, you don’t have to, I know crowds and being public and all that makes you nervous, but we wouldn’t stay long, we’re only planning to go and dance for an hour or so, right, and then we’d go out, you wouldn’t have to come there if you don’t want – I just, we’d be so cute –“

“Naruto,” Sasuke snorted, of course he did. He was never as nervous as Naruto was. “Let me think about it.”

///

Naruto was in heaven. He was sure that this was heaven, between Sasuke’s thighs, leaning over him, his lips attached to the pale, milky white neck. He was careful. He kept in mind every single spot he knew Sasuke didn’t want to be touched (no hands near his neck, mouth is fine, no fingers around his wrists or his arms, careful around the thighs, ask before undressing him), they’ve been through this so many times. He knew what to watch for, just a small jump when Naruto rested his hand on Sasuke’s chest, over his ribs. He made sure his touches were gentle first, ghosting, then when the tension left the boy under him, he pressed harder, it was like a game – and judging by Sasuke’s quiet panting and soft groan when Naruto’s hips pressed against his, he was playing it well.

“Can I? Wanna see you, all of you,” He muttered against the skin, a hand tugging at the hem of the boy’s shirt, the other still splayed comfortably over his middle. Sasuke nodded wordlessly, his slender hands tangled into Naruto’s hair and his shirt, his body arching against his chest, his hips meeting Naruto’s eagerly halfway. When Naruto pulled away so he could take the other’s shirt off, he was met with the sight of dishevelled, dark locks of hair and a pair of darker eyes, staring right up at him, half-lidded.

He was slow. He almost peeled the stupid thing off, a hand travelling up the other’s bare chest under the layer before he started to lift it. He could feel Sasuke’s heart beating fast, his breathing growing controlled under his hand. Nevertheless, the other raised his arms so Naruto could slide the shirt over his head and toss it to the side. His own joined just a second later. He sat back just a bit, his fingers pushing his hair back so he had nothing to distract him from the sight in front of him.

Yes, this was heaven. This porcelain skin, this rapidly falling and rising chest, the delicacy with which Sasuke reached out and touched Naruto’s face, his neck; this gorgeous being laying under him, the subject of his love looking right up at him. He wished he could express what he felt in that moment, how he saw Sasuke, but the only thing that came past his lips was a flimsy and insufficient _You’re so beautiful._

“Are you nervous?” He asked next, taking one of Sasuke’s hands in his own, feeling the layer of sweat on it. Sasuke bit his lip, his teeth digging into the tender flesh and Naruto leaned down to press a soft kiss against the hurt skin.

“Are you?” The other muttered against his mouth.

“I am.”

“But you’ve done this before, I-“

“I’m still nervous. But that’s okay,” Naruto tried to reassure him, his warm hand sliding across the bumps of Sasuke’s ribs, the plateau of his stomach. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, all- all good,” Sasuke muttered, the hand in his hair gripping tighter. Naruto stopped touching, rested his hand right over his chest again. He felt that his heartbeat was speeding up.

“Love,” He pressed his forehead to Sasuke’s, their eyes meeting for a fleeting second before the dark ones in front of him closed. He let his hand wander south, and then he felt the body tense under him entirely.

“No no no, I can’t, no, stop,” Sasuke shook his head violently, his hair flying back and forth with the sudden movement. One of his hands reached to push Naruto away by his chest but he had already pulled away.

“That’s okay, that’s okay,” He tried to calm the other, watching almost desperately how Sasuke shuffled out from under him, pulling himself into a curled up, half-naked ball sitting on the pillow. “How can I help?” He asked, knowing that ‘are you okay’ was pretty stupid at this point. He could see the fear and the tension in Sasuke’s frame.

“Just – don’t touch me. I’ll be fine, just don’t touch me,” Sasuke’s voice was measured and almost calm. “Can you, uh – my shirt.”

“Sure, of course,” He replied, his heart beating fast. He reached for the orange one instead and offered that to Sasuke (he’d noticed that Sasuke felt good in Naruto’s clothes. Almost every single time they parted, when Sasuke went home, he’d catch a colourful piece of fabric hanging out of the boy’s backpack), and the other accepted it gratefully, throwing it over his head. He seemed calmer already now that he was more covered up. Naruto thought about how next time, maybe they could keep Sasuke’s shirt on.

He laid back on the bed, on his back, making sure that Sasuke had enough space to curl up alone. He rested a hand on his stomach, the other in his hair, looking up at the ceiling and willing himself to calm down. His chest was still heaving a bit from the excitement and the rush.

He expected Sasuke to freak out completely, cry and shout like he did the last time but he was focused on taking deep breaths, one after the other, like Naruto was. He was hugging his knees to his chest, eyes closed shut but not tightly, as if he was just resting.

“I… I couldn’t do it,” Sasuke muttered, and Naruto sat up, looking over at the other.

“That’s okay,” Naruto tried to assure him again, keeping his boundaries even though all he wanted was to take him into his arms and cradle him until he was calm and happy again.

The silence hung heavy in the air.

It took a few minutes until Sasuke uncurled from around himself and laid down next to Naruto on his side. One of those lovely arms draped over his middle, and Naruto wrapped one of his own around Sasuke, pulling the boy up so he could lay partly on his chest. “Thank you… For stopping,” He breathed against the crook of his neck, quiet and sincere.

“I’ll always stop,” Naruto replied, his nose burying into the sweaty black hair. “I love you. I’ll wait for you.”

///

“Never have I ever gotten a tattoo.” Shino was quiet. He had the worst case of quiet weirdo that Sasuke had ever seen, which said a lot – Uchiha Itachi was his _brother_.

“Do stick and pokes count?” Ino asked, her hand immediately shooting down to her covered up ankle. Sasuke eyed it curiously – what kind of tattoo would she have?

“No,” Shino briefly shut her down, and she leaned back with a relieved sigh. Sakura, however, groaned, and took a shot, along with Kiba and Naruto. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

“Why don’t I know about this?” He asked, which earned him a sloppy laugh.

“What, you never showed him?” Sakura asked.

“You never looked hard enough, baby.” Naruto kicked off his shoe and pulled his sock along with it. He turned his foot and pointed to his heel, where, lo and behold, Sasuke could see a small tattoo – he thought it looked like a snail, or something. He couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out of his throat. “Sakura and Kiba have one, too, we got it together.”

“What – what is it?” He asked, reaching out to touch it. Naruto giggled with the touch.

“It’s – something we came up with when we were fourteen, right, it’s a leaf,” Naruto explained between little laughs.

“That’s why it’s there, cause we were fourteen and I couldn’t go home with a tattoo just like that, so we had to get it in a place that’s hard to notice. My mom spotted it anyways and I got grounded for three months but it’s still there, so screw you, mom,” Sakura elaborated, pulling Naruto in to scruff up his hair a little. Before Sasuke could ask Naruto to tell him what that was all about, Kiba interrupted.

“You ever tell him the story behind that, he’s gonna leave your ass,” Kiba mumbled, reaching up to pull Shino down for a quick kiss. “Good turn, bug boy. So, never have I ever not remembered making out with someone the morning after.”

“Oh _come on_,” Naruto whined, pouring himself another, sloppy shot into the glass set out in front of him. “What the fuck, Kiba.” Ino held out her own shot glass with a giggle, giving Sakura a grin.

“That’s our first kiss, baby!” She laughed and clinked their glasses together with Naruto. “Cheers to basing a long-lasting relationship on a drunken accident!”

“It was not an accident, Ino.” Sakura laughed, tucking a stray lock of Ino’s long blonde hair behind her ear. “You very much came onto me deliberately.”

“Shh, shh, don’t embarrass me in front of our guests,” Ino slurred before downing her shot. Sasuke snorted. He’d heard the Neji story before and while he didn’t like thinking about it, this stupid game taught him a lot about Naruto’s – _his_ – friends.

“My turn!” Ino yelled happily. “Now this one’s mostly for the newcomers. Never have I ever been arrested,” She grinned, leaning back on her girlfriend with a satisfied grin on her face.

_Well, shit_.

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Seriously, you’re just workin’ on getting me drunk, right,” he muttered, not even bothering to pour the shot, just taking a swig from the bottle. “Anyone else? Shino?” He asked, words muffled when he wiped his mouth.

_Oh. Naruto. _Sasuke looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows, then realised that he was supposed to be drinking right now. Wordlessly, he took the bottle from Naruto’s hand and took a swig, rolling his eyes at the choir of _ooh_ roaring up around him.

“What the _fuck,_ when were you gonna tell me _that_?” The blond inquired, more surprised than accusatory.

“You haven’t exactly bragged about being arrested, either,” He returned, pressing against Naruto’s side.

“It’s time to brag now, then,” Kiba interrupted before Naruto could defend himself, his voice uncharacteristically laced with curiosity. Sasuke had never seen him this lively. He wished he could’ve gotten away unquestioned like Ino did with her tattoo.

“I’ll start. It’s a good story,” Naruto wrapped his arm around Sasuke to pull him in closer, and he decided to instead sit sideways in his lap, on one of his thighs (sober Sasuke hated PDA. He wasn’t sober at all now). “We snuck into a zoo with my ex. Fun time. We didn’t consider the possibility of alarms being there, right, we just wanted to see the meerkats. So not only did a huge bulky guy find us, he found us making out because like – hey, babe, there’s an alarm going off, right, ain’t that exciting, kiss me – and then he called the cops and we spent a night in for trespassing. It was a good night.”

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Kiba muttered under his breath. Sasuke wasn’t too fond of the guy, but Naruto just laughed at him.

“He talked me into it!”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Naruto, a snort breaking through his suppressed smile. “Iruka was very happy about that, I suppose.”

“Oh, he got over it quickly,” Naruto waved his hand dismissively. “Your turn, babe, what did they catch you for?” Sasuke returned the small kiss that Naruto pressed against his lips almost proudly – he kind of liked the possessiveness Naruto would sometimes display. It made him feel wanted.

“Shoplifting, mostly,” Sasuke hummed in response, hoping that that was enough of an answer.

“What were you stealing?” It wasn’t enough for Kiba, apparently.

“Clothes and jewellery, I think.”

“Really? And you got _caught_?” Sakura asked, surprise evident in her tone.

“I was fourteen, I didn’t know how to do it right.”

“You were _fourteen_?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke hated that he looked concerned.

“Yeah, I was fourteen. What about it?” He was growing defensive. He shook his head a little, “Let’s just drop it. It’s Sakura’s turn.”

The game continued. The defensiveness and anger soon evaporated from Sasuke as they played, the questions and confessions growing more funny than uncomfortable. He ended up enjoying it more than he originally thought, especially when it turned into the six of them sharing dumb stories. He found himself laughing, free of the strict restraints he put on himself when he had full control over himself.

They decided to stop when Naruto had to drink his fifth shot in a row. They helped the blond get to bed and left Sasuke to undress him enough that he could sleep comfortably. He carefully peeled the pants off a giggly Naruto, laughing when he tried to pull Sasuke down so he would stay there and cuddle him. He even wiped his makeup off while the boy was half awake so he didn’t mess up his pillowcase. He left him with a sweet kiss to his lips and a promise that he would be there in the morning when he went back outside to join the others again.

///

“So, how are you two doing?” Sakura asked when they stood outside on the balcony, smoking together. He had intended to come outside so he could answer Itachi’s text, but an impromptu talk with Sakura was just as good, he supposed.

God, this girl was intimidating. She was the only one shorter than Sasuke in the group but she was twice his size regarding muscle. If he ever said anything bad about Naruto, he was sure she would beat him to a pulp. It made him a bit uneasy to be near her but if Naruto and Ino both trusted her, he would, too.

“We’re… we’re great. Everything’s good. I’m happy with him,” He hoped his response was vague enough that Sakura couldn’t find anything bad about it. Why was he so nervous? _This is a conversation, not a test_, he reminded himself, willing his tense fingers to relax. He forced the disinterested, distant look onto his face.

Sakura turned her head to look at him. Sasuke couldn’t look her in the eyes. “You don’t have to be scared of me, you know, as long as you don’t insult my girl,” Her genuine, toothy grin calmed Sasuke down a bit. “I’m not asking this as Naruto’s friend, I’m asking this as your friend.”

“We really are good. He’s good to me, I’m comfortable with him,” Was all Sasuke could think to say. After all, everything between them _was_ good – not ideal, not perfect, but he was happy.

“I’m happy to hear that. He loves you a lot, you know – be careful with him. He’s fragile, even if he doesn’t show it,” Sakura threw the remainder of her cigarette down carelessly, and for a second, Sasuke hoped he could escape this conversation, but then she lit another. “You seem like a good match for him, we haven’t seen him this… genuinely happy and confident in a relationship in a long time. Most of his relationships haven’t been healthy at all.”

Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows together and took another drag while he considered what Sakura had just dropped on him. He let his eyes wander up to meet Sakura’s. “…Not healthy at all, huh?” He pronounced his words slowly, in a measured, distant manner. He didn’t want her to see how much they scared him.

“Not in the way you think, it’s – not… He’s not abusive, that’s not what I’m trying to say,” She said almost defensively, and Sasuke wondered just how much of his past Naruto had found out and carelessly shared with his friends for her to jump to that conclusion. “He’s just… he needs validation so badly, all the time, and he requires so much attention and love and he’s clingy. He’s ready to give whatever you want to keep you close and it can get… ugly. He’s been used so many times that he’s desensitized to it. We’re always worried that it will happen again.”

Guilt tugged at Sasuke’s stomach. He thought back to their conversation last night, and how he was too much of a coward to go on and Naruto still stopped, like he had one too many times before, and how he was too much of a coward to tell Naruto what he felt when they were lying in bed. Maybe Naruto felt like Sasuke was using him like everyone else and he just didn’t care.

Maybe Naruto wasn’t as happy in this relationship as Sakura thought. After all, Sasuke had _no idea_ how to make someone happy. He was never given a good example. He didn’t know what a healthy relationship was – how would he know if this was or wasn’t one?

Naruto was so good to him, if there was a fault, it was not with Naruto. It was with Sasuke. He just didn’t know how to tell if there was anything wrong, and what he could do to help it.

He didn’t know how to respond to Sakura. He must’ve looked concerned because Sakura braced a hand on his shoulder unexpectedly – she removed it immediately when Sasuke jumped – and smiled encouragingly at him.

“Hey, this isn’t to mean that you’re one of those people. If I didn’t think you were good for him, I wouldn’t be this friendly with you. I’d know if he wasn’t happy in this relationship. You’re doing good, whatever you’re doing. Don’t sweat it,” She said, taking a deep drag from her cigarette. They were the thin, girly kind, and Sasuke was almost jealous of them. They looked dainty and pretty in her hand. “Plus, Ino likes you a lot, and she’s got a sixth sense for people, so you must be okay.”

“You think?” Sasuke looked up at her again, this time meeting her green eyes with more ease. “I want to be good for him, I… I hope I’m enough,” the words ran out of his mouth without his permission. He felt stupid for saying them.

“I do.” Sakura pulled her coat tighter around herself. “If you heard how much he talks about you when you’re not there, you’d know you’re enough. He _never_ shuts up about you, it’s almost annoying but kinda cute. He loves you a lot, really.”

Sasuke didn’t suppress the smile that tugged at his lips. The thought of his stupid blond boyfriend talking for minutes on end about him was endearing. His heart beat faster at the mental image.

“Well, thank you. That’s reassuring.” He threw the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray. “I think I’m gonna go join him, I’m exhausted,” He pocketed his lighter and his pack.

“Yeah. Good night, Sasuke,” Sakura smiled at him warmly. He felt lighter.

“Good night.”

///

There was no better form of meditation, in Sasuke’s mind, than laying together with a sleeping Naruto, in his warm, safe arms, his soft breaths blowing his hair in different directions. He didn’t have to think about anything, he didn’t have to talk about anything or answer stupid questions or think about money and food and heating and bills. He could get lost in the patterns he traced into the dark skin of his boyfriend’s chest. He didn’t need to worry about getting hurt when he had this shield in the form of an annoying bleach blond idiot.

He watched the way Naruto’s nostrils flared with his breaths, how his eyes moved under his eyelids, how _alive_ he was even while he was asleep, and warmth spread through him all the way to his fingertips, still planted on the other’s chest. He let the smile bloom fully on his face, and in his mind, he repeated ‘I love you’ over and over again, tasting the words, getting used to them.

They didn’t seem so scary anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it!! please leave a comment i love reading them! also follow me on [tumblr](https://commiekakashi.tumblr.com/) if you like!


	8. All Ears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway. ANYWAY. sorry. im on break now so i managed to write this. thank you for all the continued support. idk if yall are still here but heres a new chapter!

“No, I’m fine. I’m going out for a smoke,” Sasuke started collecting his clothes. He was ashamed of the way his hand still shook and his breathing still had to be regulated so he wouldn’t panic. He threw his shirt over his head, tried to tame his hair again for a few moments before he shook his head and pulled it into a bun instead to keep it away from his eyes. Naruto watched on with wide eyes from the mattress, where he’d been lying down on his back.

"No, Sasuke, please stay. It's talking time," He said firmly, sitting up and suddenly being too large. Great. Fucking _talking_ again. Sasuke was getting tired of it, of trying to address feelings that he didn’t want or understand. Still, he sat down just because he didn’t want to upset Naruto. He seemed big on talking through issues like he was a sitcom dad and Sasuke was his difficult yet soulful problem child. "We've done sexual things before. What are you scared of now? What changed, Sas?"

There it was. The large, open, honest eyes, the quiet voice, the tame questions that tried so hard to pry into things Sasuke _wasn’t going to open up about_.

He hated this. Talking in general was probably not the worst part of it all; if he was in the right mood, he was able to think clearly about what he was feeling and why he was having trouble with their relationship. The problem was the timing – despite having interrupted a horny Naruto again, he was still sincere and kind and gentle, it was something he didn't quite comprehend; he could see that Naruto was still half-hard in his pants. Why wasn't he more angry, why was he listening to Sasuke when he was saying no for the fifth time this week? Naruto could overpower him so easily and take what he wanted.

He couldn't think of a response that was clear enough. He had no idea what he was feeling. Naruto just stared. "Is this because you don't want any of this? I always feel like you do, that you want to keep going but there’s always something that stops you." The blond asked, his voice oh so caring and kind and Sasuke was starting to grow angry. He couldn't quite place why. Maybe because he was starting to feel _stupid_.

"No, that's - not that at all." He felt guilty for how snappy his response came out. Naruto didn't look phased by it. Maybe he grew used to it over their months together.

"Then try to _talk_ to me. Please. I want to help, right? I can’t help if you shut me out." Sasuke watched Naruto reach out towards him but stop himself before they could touch and something inside of him snapped then - he hated Naruto so much in that moment, for how perfectly kind he was, for how he was walking on eggshells as if Sasuke was _crazy _or _fragile, _as if he was _enjoying _the way Sasuke was coming undone like a psychiatric case, like some sick fetish, and he turned to face him. The surge of confidence was sudden and almost electric, and almost triumphantly, as if he found some hidden answer, he asked Naruto, "Then hit me."

The words echoed in the small studio apartment. Rain pattered on the balcony. Katsu watched from across the room with shining yellow eyes, and Naruto stared at him with his mouth hanging open dumbly. There was silence for a few seconds. Sasuke felt _stupid_.

"Baby..."

Fucking sad puppy eyes.

"Stop calling me that." Sasuke abruptly decided to stand up, shaking his head in dismissal. No, this had been a bad idea, he didn't even know why he said that. Itachi worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get him out of his uncle’s house, he couldn't just jump back into what was going on there, that wouldn't be quite fair to his brother. That would mean he was ungrateful. He grabbed his sweatpants and forced them onto his skinny legs, the disgusting spider-like hands tying a knot on the strings to keep them up. He shuffled over to the coat rack and shrugged his jacket on, fishing the pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

"Where are you going, love?" Naruto seemed concerned. Instead of replying, Sasuke went out to the balcony, stepping over the ridiculous amount of plants outside and sat down on the blanket on the ground, his legs crossing over each other. He struggled with his lighter for a few seconds. It clicked, again and again, but the flame was blown out by the wind. Sasuke shivered and cursed loudly into the night, trying to click it again, then Naruto’s hand helped him shelter the flame before sitting down next to him, leaving a bit of space between them; Sasuke shifted so their legs were touching. He took a long, shaky drag, the smoke filling up his lungs and calming him down almost instantly, lips quivering as he exhaled. Now everything was quiet, the only sound was the pleasing burn of his cigarette when he inhaled and Naruto’s breathing next to him. Then Naruto sighed and spoke up.

"Look, I'm serious. We need to talk about this. I know, it's uncomfortable and hard, right, I know this is a lot of work for you. But we both need this. I need to know how to be good for you, and you need to be treated right by someone. I can't watch you suffer any longer." Naruto was kind again despite everything that happened. Sasuke was kind of expecting to be hit – and almost snorted at the irony of it all.

He exhaled through his nose and watched the smoke dissolve into the night sky. "I don't know what you want me to say." He decided that would be the most democratic response.

"Then let me ask stuff and just be honest with your answers. How's that sound?" Naruto kept prodding, his eyes gleaming in the dim light. Sasuke wondered if he had started crying.

"Sure." Sasuke sighed defeatedly. Naruto stole a cigarette from Sasuke's pack and lit up next to him. They smoked in silence for a bit and Sasuke hoped maybe he could escape this conversation.

"Why did you ask me to hit you?" He asked after a few drags. His voice cracked at the end of his sentence. Sasuke, feeling sorry for him, decided to take his hand and Naruto latched on like he was the only important thing in life.

"I... Don't know." Sasuke didn’t feel like talking about this. Naruto saw right through his half-assed answer.

"I need you to be honest with me, I don’t want to hear shit like that. This situation is _very_ concerning and scary to me. I won't ask you to tell me anything about your past because I respect that you don't want to open up about it, but I want to know what you're thinking right now, okay?" Naruto said, linking their fingers together.

(Sasuke always thought it was lucky that he was left handed and Naruto wasn’t; they could hold hands while doing their own individual thing, like smoking right now.)

He took a few moments to answer, trying to respond with meaningful words, something that wasn’t the empty nothings he usually came up with. "I... I wanted you to hit me because it makes sense," Sasuke hummed, "I wouldn't necessarily just take it, I guess - it would just _make sense_, and the way you usually act makes no sense to me. Theoretically, it does, sure, I _know_ you’re not supposed to hurt me but it’s… hard to _actually _comprehend, in practice.” Sasuke felt out of breath when he finished his confession. The cigarette he was clutching in his hand didn’t give him any sense of security. He had to consciously force himself not to run away from the situation. He still felt like an idiot.

"Do you think you deserve to be hit, to be treated badly instead of... y'know- me being kind to you?" Naruto asked after some consideration. His voice was shaky with what he supposed were tears – he couldn’t bear to look at him right now to make sure. Sasuke felt guilty.

"... I don't know." He replied honestly this time.

"Okay." Naruto took a long drag that he kept down for a worryingly long time. When he turned to look at him, he seemed exhausted. Smoke spilled from his lips as he continued, "I won't hit you. I just _won’t_. I don't know if you thought I would hurt you later on, but I'm seriously not hurting you. People who really love each other don't... Do those kind of things. I love you, and I don't want you to be in pain, no matter what I feel, or even if you ask me to, right?” He was getting worked up, Sasuke could tell. “Even if I'm angry, or whatever. Your well-being and safety is a... Fuck, what's that word?"

"...Priority?" He offered.

"Yeah."

Sasuke shook his head fondly. "...Well. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I guess."

"No, it's... I think this conversation has been a long time coming, right, I can tell you keep thinking I will hit you, when you flinch and when you’re defensive when we fight and it makes me feel awful. The idea of you being hurt because of me makes me feel like throwing up. It’s… physical pain,” Naruto explained. Sasuke wondered if he’d really been this transparent. On a subconscious level, he knew Naruto was right. He knew relationships weren't supposed to be violent, that love didn't equal pain, but those thoughts were buried deep down in himself, under a bunch of levels that didn't feel like they functioned without a beating.

This was fucked up. He was fucked up. Naruto was going to leave him because he was so messed up in the head.

Get your shit together. He cleared his throat so his voice wouldn’t sound small.

“I’m… sorry. I don’t know – I don’t know how much you figured out but my background is very difficult, and…” Sasuke didn’t mind the kind eyes now. They helped him talk. “I have never been… Appreciated, the way you appreciate me. I can’t trust it because I don’t know how it works and I expect to be… hurt. I guess I have no idea how things are supposed to work.” He finally admitted, his stomach sinking to the ground with how hard it was to talk about this.

“That’s okay,” Naruto smiled a weak smile at him and brought his hand up to press a kiss onto the back of it, “I’ll just show you how to be loved.”

-

Ino was a saint. Sasuke had never had such good coffee.

“I need to make sure you really are aware that I _don’t_ have the funds to repay you, nor will I have them in the foreseeable future unless I start dealing drugs,” He said, for the third time that day, and Ino just shook her head and laughed, blond hair flying when she threw her head back. She looked _stunning_, Sasuke thought, with her bright eyes and her perfect hair and her lovely makeup. There was something about her that was beautiful beyond her looks, perhaps it was the sincerity in how she smiled and talked.

“Sasi, love, it’s okay. It’s our day. We’ve been friends for three whole months. Gotta treat my king,” She grinned, sipping her latte, or whatever. Sasuke had no idea what any of these terms meant. He let Ino order him whatever she saw fit (and she pinned down Sasuke’s taste _so_ well).

The blonde crossed her legs – mirroring Sasuke’s pose – and kept grinning at him over her coffee. Sasuke self-consciously fixed his hair. She said over her grin, “I’m very happy you trusted me enough to come alone, you know. I’m proud of you,” She was beaming, and Sasuke wondered if seeing him really made her this happy. He didn’t feel like he was that good company.

“Yeah, well. You never gave me a reason not to trust you,” Sasuke hummed in response, raising an eyebrow. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Do I need to have a reason to talk to Mr Uchiha? Do I need to reserve an appointment?” She asked with a goofy smile, tracing her finger around the rim of her glass.

“No, I guess you’re right,” Sasuke pushed his hair back away from his face. “Well, then. What’s up?”

“Right, okay, okay, I had a reason I wanted to talk to you,” Ino glanced up at Sasuke, her eyes gleaming. She was sitting on the edge of her seat, as if she was going to burst with excitement. Sasuke watched on with curiosity. Ino’s surprises were always fun. She leaned over the table as if she were to tell a secret, and almost whispered, “I heard you’re coming to our prom with our Naru,” still grinning ear to ear, “is that true?”

Sasuke shook his head, unable to hide his smile. “Fucking idiot can’t keep his mouth, huh? It was supposed to be a surprise, I think,” He muttered, stirring his coffee so he could avoid looking at Ino and her expectant eyes. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Oh my god, that’s so exciting!” She sat back in her seat, clapping her hands together happily. “You’re gonna look amazing, I’m so excited, I can’t wait to see you. Can I dance with you?” Her words rained so quickly that Sasuke barely had time to process them all.

“I- uh, sure. I’m not a good dancer, though,” He admitted, his lips curled up into a smile. “You’re going with Sakura, right?”

“Yeah, of course. We’re gonna be the hottest couple at prom. I have this like, simple wine red dress, it’s gorgeous, I can’t wait for you to see it! It’s like, two parts, lace at the top and long flowy skirt at the bottom. And Sakura will wear like, a tux, with a vest and a jacket and all that and her tie is gonna match my dress, and oh my _god_, she looks so _hot_ in her tux. I took her out to watch a play mostly because I wanted to see her wear it, sort of like a test run for the outfit – she really doesn’t care all that much about theatre but oh my _god_ she worked the look so well, and I did her makeup and she was so stunning and _oh my god_ I’m so lucky. And she got me champagne in the intermission! She has a fake ID, you know. She’s so cool.” Sasuke let out a soft chuckle and Ino shook her head a bit. “Anyway. What are you gonna wear, honey?”

Sasuke hummed, looking into his drink with his eyebrows furrowed. “I uh… I don’t know. I guess I could… Borrow Itachi’s suit?” He mumbled, suddenly feeling a bit ashamed. He didn’t even have a suit. He hadn’t needed one since the funeral two years ago and… He’s changed quite a lot since then.

“Oh honey…” Ino covered her mouth, as if she was ashamed of her question. Sasuke wasn’t mad at her at all, though, he understood that she didn’t mean to hurt him. “Hey, you try that, okay? And, tell you what, I’ll see if I can get someone to get you a suit that you can borrow for free, how about that?” Ino suggested, smiling at Sasuke fondly. “If that’s fine with you?”

Sasuke considered that for a while. Getting help from someone was something he _hated_. But he wanted to be hot for Naruto on his prom night and Itachi’s suit would be huge on him. “You’d do that?” He finally asked, glancing up hopefully.

“Of course I would! I have a lot of friends who might be able to help me out. Let me ask around.”

-

Sasuke was sick again.

Naruto never knew a boy could be sick so often. He had been delirious with fever dreams just two hours ago and now he was sitting at his desk, tutoring some rich kid who had trouble with third grade math. Naruto hated this kid – this was his first time meeting him and he _despised_ the judgement in his eyes and how he wasn’t paying enough attention to Sasuke and how he was so ungrateful – did he not notice that Sasuke took time out of his day, while he was _sick_, to help him?

And Naruto knew that Sasuke was a good teacher if you just paid attention. Maybe this kid’s biggest problem wasn’t math but that he was a _brat_.

He was cooking soup from the limited ingredients Sasuke had at home, with the instructions he had been given before the kid came. It was going quite well, he’d picked up a few things from watching Sasuke and Iruka cook. He may’ve burned the onions a bit but that was okay. And maybe he did put a bit too much pepper into it. Whatever. If it was very bad, he’d just make Sasuke a cup ramen. Not as healing as a veggie soup, but good enough.

The brat only had ten more minutes to go, luckily. Naruto couldn’t wait for him to finally leave so he could kiss his boyfriend and feed him the goddamn soup.

He sat down to start texting Sakura while he waited. Mostly to bitch about the kid and how Sasuke is teaching when he wasn’t supposed to be doing anything.

“That’s our time,” Came the words from Sasuke’s mouth and Naruto had to force himself not to jump with joy. He watched from his spot in the kitchen area as the kid gave Sasuke his infuriatingly low fare and started getting dressed without even thanking him. He couldn’t help how he was glaring at the kid as he finally left with a timid “goodbye”.

Naruto brought the soup over to Sasuke with a spoon and set it on the desk in front of the boy, sitting down into the now empty seat next to him. He reached over to gently pull his black head closer so he could plant a kiss on the soft hair. “Good job, baby. Now eat, yeah? I hope it tastes okay.”

Sasuke thanked him quietly and started eating, nestling into the big black hoodie that Naruto loved seeing him in. He watched fondly as he slurped on the soup, a feeling of warmth running through him. God. He thought maybe the infatuation would fade after a few months but it felt like it was growing stronger every day. He loved this boy more than life itself, with his annoying slurping and his pretty hands and his deep circles under his eyes.

“You’re staring, honey,” Sasuke interrupted him, clipping his bangs back when he realised his hair was almost falling into the bowl.

“I sure am,” Naruto returned, resting his head on his hand. “You’re gorgeous. I like looking at you.”

Sasuke planted his hand on Naruto’s face and pushed him away. “Let me eat. The soup’s pretty good, by the way.”

Naruto laughed against Sasuke’s hand. “Oh, I know, baby.”

-

“Hey. Hey, Sas. I thought of something. But you gotta hear me out, right?”

“You’re full of surprises today,” Sasuke teased, his finger running up and down Naruto’s bare chest, making small patterns. The icy fingertips made him shiver even in the late spring heat, their legs intertwined under the covers. He pulled Sasuke’s body in closer so their chests were touching, Sasuke’s feverish body cooling down against his own.

“Come on, don’t be like that,” Naruto muttered, Sasuke’s hair tickling against his lips as he breathed his smell in. He could get drunk on Sasuke’s scent. He was greasy and sweaty from his illness and smelled like smoke and he was still so attracted to it, like when he first caught a whiff of the vanilla shower gel he used all the time. “This is important.”

Sasuke shifted in his arms, pressing his face against Naruto’s chest now, his arm wrapping around his middle. He let out a little sigh, almost exasperated, and muttered, “okay. I’m all ears.”

“You need to promise to listen to me, though and be very open and not just say no immediately, or something.” He pushed Sasuke’s hair out of his face, combing it back with his fingers. Sasuke’s breath was warm on his chest, so much unlike his fingers before. He still shivered with it.

“Look, I promise. Just say it, I’m gonna fall asleep.”

Naruto couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped. Sasuke was always so grumpy when he was sleepy.

“Right. Okay,” Naruto took a deep, exaggerated breath before he continued, “here’s what I want. I want to take a bath with you. I think it would help build your trust and all that, and I can tell you’re not comfortable being undressed around me and I think it would like, help you get used to it if it’s not in a sexual setting and shit, right? I’m not gonna force you to do it, but I think it might be worth putting in the effort because I… I really want to be with you. And I want you to be comfortable and happy and having fun when we get there and maybe this can, I don’t know, serve as a stepping stone or something, right?” Naruto gently ran his hand up and down Sasuke’s back in what he hoped was comforting. He was so nervous about what Sasuke would say. His voice was shaking a little. “You don’t _have_ to say yes, right, but I think it would be cool. I would make it all cute like, bubbles and candles and the _shit this is emotional _playlist that Kiba put together, it would be romantic and cute.”

Sasuke stayed silent for a few moments. Naruto wondered if he had fallen asleep, he stroked his head to try to get him to wake up if he did or comfort him if he was awake still. He spoke up half a minute later.

“First off, I had _no idea _you could read me so well. I don’t know how you do that. I’m very impressed.” Sasuke decided to unwrap himself from around Naruto and sit up, taking Naruto’s hand when it was offered (Naruto missed the contact and the warmth). He looked down, his other hand burying into the bleached blonde curls and gently pulling on them as he tried to comb his fingers through. “Second off, you have to understand that I’ll say yes to this but it’s… it’s going to be a challenge. I want you to give me a way to get out of the situation if it gets too much.”

“Yeah, no, you _know_ I’ll always stop whatever makes you uncomfortable. I’ll stop if it’s too much, you’ll just get out, get your little pink towel on and get dressed and we’ll make a hot chocolate and shit. It will be great,” Naruto said, pressing a kiss to the back of Sasuke’s hand. He squeezed in return.

“Naruto. Naruto,” Sasuke suddenly, urgently, said. Naruto looked up with lazy eyes, tilting his head curiously. Sasuke seemed nervous.

“Yeah?” He yawned a bit, locking their fingers together.

“Thank you for coming up with this,” He said, pressing his lips together for a second before he continued, “I love you.”

Naruto’s chest swelled inexplicably, and without a moment of hesitation, he replied, “I love you too, Sasuke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading thank you for reading. really. i hope you like it. please leave a comment if you like it or something also chat me up on my [tumblr](https://comradekakashi.tumblr.com/) please im in a chatty mood. have a good day love you


End file.
